weak and helpless

im lying helpless..
missing you every moment..
wondering what you are doing..
have you eaten?
how are you..?
im weak every each day...
i need to see you..
but i know..
that wont be a good idea..
that wont happen...
i know that you hate me...
and i dont know why...
that i feel like i need you even more now..
i thought i can do this alone...
it shows that im wrong...
but, i have no choice now..
i have to go on..

i hope you will understand

never was i trapped you...

never was i meant to go this way...

to be honest.. i do crazy about you

and never was i have grudge on you no matter..

how hurt i got...i accepted.. every single thing that came along

our relationship...

even though its hard to deal with...

and im talking about how i felt when i cant actually accept the fact

that we could never love again...

and i want you to understand that im not trying to ruin your life...

to ruin your future...

i wanted you to be somebody someday...

i wanted you to be happy...

but will you ever see me suffer.. trying to erase every

memory i have shared with you...

and for some reason i wish you'll see me...but that wont be a good idea

so with a broken heart... i tried to live my life without you..

and it hurts every second.. and im not kidding you...

and can fall and break down crying..

anywhere and any time...

would you love to see it...?

but i guess you wont even think about it...

im trying if you can see...

i went out from this place..

just trying to let you live your life the way you wanted..

see.. i wasnt trying to trap you or ruin you...

i was not at all...

i know now that you're way better without me...

and knowing that kills me...

but i cant do anything...

i just want you to understand..

i never want to do the worst thing to you...

how can i ruin someone's life when im so damn in love..

i can only wish for your happiness..

along with my tears....

why wont you understand me...

and accused me that way...

i am crazy.. and obsessed!!

i admit... but im not that cruel...

im sorry if i love you too much...

if you hate it.. please be my guess..

go and ask GOD to take it back....

i begged GOD so i can UNLOVE you...

but GOD wont let me... and i have no reason to

say that GOD is unfair....

so im trying my best to accept it...

if this is GOD's will.....

i'll stay broken...

Until the day.. love grows in me...

without knowing what i should do..

im so clueless.. i thought i can decide for the best..

but how can i ever be sure if im doing the best thing for everyone

if i throw this lil' love away.. out of me...

im like almost every woman...

i have this weird feeling...

maybe its not alive yet..

but something tells me.. that this is not a mistake..

its not a disaster..

this is what GOD gave me...

a GIFT....

and i can feel something that i cant explain...

you can say anything you want...

but this strong feeling.. keeping me stronger..

each day... telling me to keep it...

and dont tell me that i didnt think for everyone else...

i did...

im not doing this for myself...

but i cant explain to you now....

and maybe i am wrong.. you're right...

but i got to do wrong thing to be right...

i just hope someday you'll understand..

this is not the end of everything...

i can only ask you for forgiveness...

you can hate me for this...

i dont mind...

i know im wrong in evryone's eyes..

your friends and family...

for your information...

my family is dealing thru a hard time too...

but i have to let this happen..

its a lesson for me....

and this lil' love is a GIFT.. especially..

it happened because of my love for you...

and please let me keep what's left for me...

and again i hope you'll somehow feel it...

i dont ask you to stay.. i never forced you...

maybe i left you with no choice...

i dont have mine too....

maybe i can choose...

but i choose to give live...

bringing live to the world...

i know this happened for a reason...

GOD plans this for me...

i dont know whats going to happened...

i have risk everything for my lil' love...

a chance to see you smile for me,

i disappoint my family and yours...

and i might have ruined your life...

but im sure that.. you'll still have your future...

you can always tell me that i do things without thinking...

and its all about me...

but i looked at every aspect...

and no matter how hard it is going to be...

and what im dealing with...

i stood my grown...

i want this lil' love to grow...

and i want my baby to feel the world..

to experience life...

i cant do anything to harm my lil' love....

im sorry... but i just need you to know..

that i wasnt trying to trap you..

not at all....

im truly sorry..

to your family and you...

maybe this unwanted seed in me..

wont make you happy...

im sorry for that..

im maybe stupid or crazy...

but deep inside...

im doing the right thing....

i hope you'll realize as soon as possible...

before its too late...

im sorry....

i know everyone is in pain...

but do you people know..

how long i've been in tremendous pain...

and for once...

i feel like im doing the greatest thing

to give birth...

to bring life into this world....

you wont ever feel what im feeling...

maybe im doing this for myself...

but im not....

if you dont want me...

its alright...

but please...

believe me...

i never wanted to trap you...

if i cant have your love..

let me have this baby....

why would i want to ruin your live..

when my life is considered ruined by myself...

but i wont look it that way...

this baby... is never a mistake to me...

its never a problem to me...

it is live....

why would i want it to be gone...??

why would i regret it...

to be honest...

i want a brighter future for myself...

i wanna get married to someone who's in love with me...

i want someone to propose me...

i wanna get married at the baech...

i wanna wear a wedding gown...

but i cant... i risk everything for my baby...

i love this baby....

i know.. this is way precious than what i've ever dream of...

i just knew it...

i dont know how...

but i just do....

am i wrong..?

maybe i am...

but i realise..

its ok to be wrong...

you can hate me...

i know i cant give you back

the life you wanted...

but i'll always pray that you'll

have a better one... someday..

i wont burden you....

im just askin you to name this baby...

and we're gonna go on our own way....

see i dont ask you more than that..

how could you you say that i trapped you?

i love you..

like i said before

i will always love you..

thru good and bad...

even after what you've said to me...

all the humiliation...

i still love you...

no matter how cruel you are to me...

i love you...

i dont want you to come back to me..

when the love for me is gone...

i just wish you'll forgive me...

and understand this...

thats all....

and thanks...

i have lost my sunshine..

dont let me lost my lil'love

i dont want to be alone..

p/s:to sunshine, no matter where you are..

make sure you'll shine brighter everyday..

and bring happiness to whoever...

and i'll pray for your safety... you know you

have the gift to make people smile..

and bringing joy to life....

and im still wishing that i can see you once again...

please hear me... my only love =)

to sunshine.. and wherever you might be...

i've been taking along break from writing...
to be honest.. i have alot to write all these while..
but im not sure if i still remember those words that came out from
my mind...
first thing i want want you to know how much i miss you...
i really miss you sunshine... but you're not here with me anymore...
maybe i can still see the person who used to be you..
and he's still around.. but i cant feel my sunshine anymore.. =(
i feel like dying... i miss you...
i wanna see you.. i wanna talk to you..
i wanna hold you.. i wanna touch you...
i need you here my sunshine...
he's not you anymore..
its like he got possesed by some kind of demon or creature..
i dont know him anymore...

i know you my sunshine...
and im sure that you're not around anymore.. and for some reason...
i wish i could see you again...
i wanna touch you again...
he doesnt taste the same..
like you do...
he's not you....
and no matter where you are right now..
i just want you to know that i love you...
and that one thing.. will never change....
i miss you.. i really do...
he doesnt talk the way you do..
his touch doesnt feel as warm as yours...
i can feel that you're gone....
i dont want him.. i want you...
he maybe has your look.. but he doesnt have a heart of sunshine...
i wish you'll be back...
because there's nothing special about him...
you are special.. because you are my sunshine..
the one who used to bring the light to my life...

i wanna share alot of thing with you..
i couldnt share with anyone else...
not even him....
he has your face and body..
but he could never have your heart and soul...
i know... what i am feeling,....
im not wrong....
and this dedication.. will still be going on...
because i believe that you'll hear me someday.. and
you're gonna return my call...
i really miss spending time with you...
sharing thoughts...
you're the light...
and im in the dark now...
i need you...
in my prayer.. i wish you'll be back my sunshine..
no matter in any kind of form....
i just need to feel you...
sunshine.. you're gone....
but i still love you...
please come back.. even in my dream...
because i miss you so much....

and yeahh..
i have love in me..
its growing while you're away...
something tells me to keep it...
because i believe this is what we share...
since you left... this is the one thing that left for me...
and i will always remember that this is love...
i need you.. your soul..
sunshine will always be my love...

p/s: i will never love anyone else but you...
and im still waiting for you to come back...
i miss sunshine.. and not faiz..

you're gone

i feel it so deep in me...
and i cant feel you..
you're gone now...
i dont know how...
and when...?
but one thing for sure
you're not the one i used to know...
why do you have to change..
and throw it all away...
have you ever feel this?
the feeling of losing someone...

im in the dark
as my sunshine went away..
and im telling that this is the worst feeling i
have ever felt..
how can you act like there's nothing..
when what we ever shared is everything to me...
and i cant change it anymore...
im sick!!!!
i hate you....
you threw it all away..
you searching for the best...?
im telling you...
that i'll be the only person in this world who can love you the best..
beside your mum....
im so mad at you...
why.. do we have to love in the first place if..
we know.. we wont appreciate it in the end..
this is love we're dealing with...
its important.. darn important..
you dont take it as a game...
this heart that speaks...
it is crying now....
and now...
you cant see...
and i dont want you to realize it when it is too late...

i hate wasting my life with someone else..
and i want it to be you!!!!

what i see in you now:
you have no heart..
you dont care how i might feel..
you dont love me anymore..
you're not the person i used to know..
you've change...

i never stop writing about how i feel...
but will you ever understand.. and i wish i can force you just to be with me..
i feel as if im dying when you're not around...
how can i make you understand...
i cant live without you.. and i really need you to love me...
love me like you used to...
there's nothing i want more than you..
and im ready to give up on everything for you...
i love you...
and this pain wont ever stop.. till im in your arms again...

its like i have this sickness of my own.. if your not around..
so damn weak.. i dont want to move..
only death will stop me...
i cant write things that i dont mean..
but here my sincerity of love..
never been given to one but you...
it must be easy for you.. just to live your life..
i know.. i used to live my life that way...
because i know.. life goes on..
and there will always something new coming your way...
but i know for me.. your the best thing that ever happened..
and if i let you go... and give up loving.. i wont find another..
i dont want to missed the a moment with you...
i cant carry on without you....

please dont change.. because i cant change anymore...
please realize that this wont happen for the second time...
dont wasted... i wanna live with you...
you'ere different now...
and i feel that you're gone....
i want my sunshine back....
please bring my sunshine back...
i want you like before...
please love.....
there's nothing i could say.. or do.. to have you back...
as my sunshine...
but i'll die trying!!!
because one thing for sure...
this is love im feeling....
please remember the love we used to share...

they can call me crazy..
yes i am... im crazy loving you...
and im dying without you....
i am.. i cant do anything right...
i want you...
i guess you wont feel a thing
when you read this blog...
because.. the feeling has fade...
is it?
and it kills me knowing that you dont love that much..
that you're moving on..
and you can always live without me...
i cant judge whats fair.. and unfair anymore...
but i need you.. to need me....
i wanna be the important person in your life...
i wanna be there for you..
i dont wanna be replaced..
i dont.. i dont want you to love someone new...
i want you to love me...
why do you have to change?
i hate the feeling of losing your love...
i wish i die.. instantly....
when you dont love me anymore...
all i care about.. is you...
your love is everything i ever wanted...
trust my feeling...

i wish you'll love me....
and realize that love conquers all..
dont leave me...
dont go away...

LONGING FOR YOUR LOVE

i love you too much, and i cant explain..
and i made this blog as a dedication to you..
to show you that i love you... to prove to you that
my life filled with the thoughts of you..
and my love is as bright as the sun...
and today i dont know where to start...
i miss us.. i miss you...
i feel like youre away from me now..
its like youre almost gone...
i dont know why am i feeling this way...
could it be because of the fights..??
baby, im seeing it now...
it clearer.. that we're no longer together..
i hate to realize it..
and now im feeling it...
my love longing for you.. no one else but you..
im too scared that you'll walk away someday...
i hate to see you leave... but you have already left..
i just forgot about that...
i want you to stay... forever..
i know you could never promise me that...
and when i told you that im scared that you'll leave..
i wanna hear you say.."i wont ever leave you"
but i know its too much for you to say it..
and i understand...
im living in this pain.. and im used to it..
i dont care how many time youre gonna hurt me...
as long as i can stay...
i know i've been complaining about the pain you put me through..
but honestly, i rather stay that way.. then to be away from you..
i wanna feel your love.. i wanna see it.. i wanna have..
and i never want to give it up...
i will give everything for your love...
if i can trade my life for your love..
i would..i swear i would.. cause there's nothing more i want other than your love..

and when i told you to stop contacting me till i come and look for you..
it was not the best thing to do..
because to be close to you is the most important thing to me..
but i just need to thing..
pull myself back together.. i wanna take control of myself..
its not because i wanna forget love.. or you..
because i know i couldnt.. and if i could.. i dont want to...
i just want us to appreciate every moment that we have...
because i dont know how long youre willing to stay...
i dont know what to feel now.. its almost empty..
i miss the love you gave me.. i want it back so badly...
i wanna be the special one for you...
i want you to love me like you mean it..
i want you to want me...
because i love you

i havent write for the past few weeks..
its i forgot.. or i dont have things to write about you..
i do.. have alot to write about you.. and how i feel for you..
it will never stop..
but i didnt write.. because youre there with me...
and you bring me happiness although we always fight...

i almost lost my mind nowadays..
and that why i need you even more now...
i cant turn to someone else.. it wont be the same...
honestly..
theres only one person that can make me feel better..
and its you.. that is how important you are to me....
people can tell me what to do.. but my heart wont listen..
they dont know you the way i do...
someone told me.. that you'll leave ne in the end..
if i didnt leave you now.. i might get even hurt in the future..
maybe...
but how if i just wait...
i dont care anymore, if i will get hurt by you someday..
because.. i cant fight this feeling and if i do try to fight it..
it is even hurt.. and i will failed...

my wish is for you to love me..
sincerely, without any condition...
protect me.. i cant take care of myself...
i need you.. and please need me..
i will always be there for you...
i wont ask for anyone else other than you...
not even in my dream...
"love conquers everything"
why cant i win your love..?
why i could never be the want you want to spend your life with?
and i wanna be the one who you wake up yo every morning..
i wanna be the one who witness your life.. your happiness..
i wanna witness every moment of yours...
i cant let someone else to replace me..
i cant witness you having a new life with someone else...
because i know im the one who saw you shine..
how could you let someone else take that away from me..

i really miss you...
the one i love...

Thank You For Everything (My Birthday)

Sunshine.. =)

im not sure what to say, other than thank you...

you are a dream come true...

and im glad that i spend my birthday with you..

thanks for the cake..

you'd the 1st guy who bought me a cake...

i love it..=)

and im sorry for what i said earlier about the cake..

honestly.. i dont mean it...

i was surprised...

and too happy.. until i forgot the words "thank you"

im sorry... i do appreciate it...

i will always remember my 21st birthday..

and thanks for everything..

every single thing you do for me..

the happiness..

and im happy...

thanks for the memories...

you will always be my only sunshine..

im feeling a lot better now...

thank you so much...

(this morning.. i watched you drove away, its like watching you walk away..

im trying my best to set you free... and syg you know now that im trying..

because i care about you.. im learning how to let you go.. and i wont be there to stand your

way... i wnat you to be happy... and im gonna be happy too.... you will always in my mind..

you could never be replaced.. my only sunshine....)

TAYLOR SWIFT-BREATHE

I see your face in my mind as I drive away'

Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way

People are people and sometimes we change our minds

But it's killing me to see you go after all this time

Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm

Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm

Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie

It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see'

Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down

Now I don't know what to be without you around

And we know it's never simple, never easy

Never a clean break, no one here to save me

You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

And I can't breatheWithout you, but I have to

BreatheWithout you, but I have to

Never wanted this, never want to see you hurt

Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve

People are people and sometimes it doesn't work out

Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out

And we know it's never simple, never easy

Never a clean break, no one here to save me

You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

And I can't breatheWithout you, but I have to

BreatheWithout you, but I have to

It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend

Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me

It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend

Hope you know this ain't easy, easy for me

And we know it's never simple, never easy

Never a clean break, no one here to save me, oh

I can't breatheWithout you, but I have to

BreatheWithout you, but I have to

BreatheWithout you, but I have to

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorryI'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry

I'm Sorry, Sunshine

im sorry..
i was blinded with this love im feeling..
till i didnt think of what you are feeling..
im sorry that i couldnt understand..
but im trying you know..
its just that sometimes..
i lost control of myself...

maybe,
its gonna be alot better..
if im not around you..
thats why im trying to walk away
because.. i cant be part of this..
i wasnt selfish..
if you only see...
im leaving because of you..
and i admit... that this pain
is one of the reason..
im hurting myself.. and you..

i wish i could be the one to understand you
so i can always be by your side..
and today.. i learnt something..
that i could never be the one..
because i cant understand you..
and we are living in two completely
different world..
we are different..
maybe we were never meant for each other..
and thats why.. you left me in the first place..
there must be a reason..
why god leads us to this..
and i guess.. i figure it out now..

and sayang, lastly
i love you..

REMEMBER

what can i get from this broken heart?
will it ever goin to love again someday..
you've done with me, and the damage was perfect..
no one in my life ever hurt me this way..
and congratz..
you've succesfully destroy me..
break my heart into a thousand pieces..
nothing left...
other then pain that im feeling..

remember this always..
that you were once the one i love the most..
and you're also the one who hurt me the most
and now.. im all dead inside..
and my love is worthless..
and thanks.. you'd showed me
whats a real pain is...

all i ever wish for is you..
your love...
and .. all i got to take is pain and hurt..

i really hate to see you move on..
cause i will never...
i hate this.. i do...
and im gonna miss you..
but please..
no matter what happen..
let me stay in this pain...

you couldnt understand..
i've been telling you things..
and still you cant see it..
the problem is.. im so in love with you
more then anything else in this world...

Can You Imagine Me Now..?

my every night.. fills with tears.. and pain..
i cant sleep well.. my head cant stop thinking of you
and i am trying not to...
im suffering either way..
to keep in touch or not being in touch at all..
there's no different now...
and im not blaming you now...
and i dont know what to blame..
or maybe its just me...

i spend my time filling this blog with my broken feelings..
and listen to all the songs..
and i fill my time with tears.. rolling down my face..
can you imagine me now..
and at this point..
where are you...?
what are doing...?
can you see the different now...

you used to be so wonderful..
you put a thousand happy thoughts in my mind..
you used to light up my face..
where have all of that gone?
i can use them now...
but you're different now...
have i lost sunshine...?

can you imagine my pain now?
and these tears.. wont stop falling..
and i guess.. you're having fun out there..
without imagining me..
i wish i could do the same...
but we're different...

have you ever think..
what i might be doing at the time like this?
and ofcourse..
i wasnt having joyful time...
i cant seem to move on...
when will i stop?
i want to forget about you..
i wanna move on..
and it kills me to try...

can you really imagine you in my position
right now?
i really need you..
right now...
i just wannna stay in your arms...
and cry my heart out...
but you're not here...

Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy

Your fingertips across my skin

The palm trees swaying in the wind

Images

You sang me Spanish lullabies

The sweetest sadness in your eyes

Clever trick

Well, I never want to see

you unhappy

I thought you'd want the

same for me

[Chorus]

Goodbye, my almost lover

Goodbye, my hopeless dream

I'm trying not to think about you

Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

Should've known you'd bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street

You took my hand and danced with me

Images

And when you left, you kissed my lips

You told me you would never, never forget

These images

No

Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy

I thought you'd want the same for me

[Chorus]

Goodbye, my almost lover

Goodbye, my hopeless dream

I'm trying not to think about you

Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

Should've known you'd bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean

I cannot drive the streets at night

I cannot wake up in the morning

Without you on my mind

So you're gone and I'm haunted

And I bet you are just fine

Did I make it that

Easy to walk right in and out

Of my life?

[Chorus]

Goodbye, my almost lover

Goodbye, my hopeless dream

I'm trying not to think about you

Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

Should have known you'd bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do

will i always wait..?

im sad...
tears falling..
its raining again today.. =''(
i tried my best.. not to think of you..
and yet i failed!!
i hate my feeling..
im missing you
and im weak..

the hardest part was to wait till..
you finaly have time for me..
i keep waiting..
and yeaahhh no matter
how tired i was...
i cant sleep...
i only see you
i hatwe that...
and to night...
you showed me..
that you wont have
any quality time for me...
and i know..
im no one..
so why should you spare a time
for me...
like always..
i will take what ever left...

and im sad today..
real sad...
like everyday..
and when will this stop...
it feels like
i wanna end my life..
i cant stand it..

i needed you today..
and you wont be here with me...
and i deserve it..
couldnt ask for more..
i can only cry my heart out while writing this blog
like always...

i'll keep this in mind..
i hope it will help me to go thru the day..
"you dont love, you dont care"
"im nobody to you.. never will be"
"you have better things to do then be here with me"
and im gonna accept the fact that..
im no longer important in your life

i wish i have the answer to all of these..
and stop the pain..

SUNSHINE by The All American Rejects

It's a new day

It's a bright day

Even when you stand in the dark

It's just that

You've been broken into fifty pieces

Today is gone

I'm the only light that you see

You need someone

I know all you needed was me

Everyday we wake if it takes too long

Just tell me something new Forget about the sunshine when it's gone

Another pale moon Shines like high noon

Midnight never felt so cold alone

It's just that you're uneasy

When you need me

Today is goneI'm the only light that you see

You need someone I know all you needed was me

Everyday we wake if it takes too long

Just tell me something new Forget about the sunshine when it's gone

You can say it's right, but it feels so wrong

Just show me something true

Forget about the sunshine

Forget about the sunshine when it's gone

Today is gone

I'm the only light that you see

You need someone I know all you needed was me

Everyday we wake if it takes too long

Just tell me something new Forget about the sunshine when it's gone

You can think it's right, but it feels so wrong

Just show me something true

Forget about the sunshine

Forget about the sunshine when it's gone

Everyday we wake if it takes too long

Just tell me something new Forget about the sunshine when it's gone

You can think it's right, but it feels so wrong

Just show me something true

Forget about the sunshine

Forget about the sunshine when it's gone

to what we have become...

im not sure.. if you will ever gonna read this blog or maybe not..

but i wish someday you will..

im not gonna tell you that i love you or how much i miss you...

im writing this.. because i cant sleep..

and yea.. you're in my head..

when i close my eyes.. i'll be imagining your face

i cant sleep.. my head filled with the thoughts of you

im not gonna call you anymore..

im not gonna chase you anymore..

because, i cant force you to love,

and im sorry

that i force the situation...

once you dont want me anymore..

thats mean.. i will never get the chance to be in your life..

i wont be a part of you..

you dont need me like before..

as i became less important..

i know where i should stand..

and now..

this is what we have become..

"stranger"

and you need to know this...

that im really hurt..

that i could not think of anything else that might hurt..

you cut me real deep..

this scar will stay..

and i will remember that..

you left me..

and you dont love me...

and i will always remember that..

you never really want me in your life..

that im just a mistake..

that happened to you..

will always remember that..

it was never love that you felt for me..

and im definately remember..

that you're better of without me..

and i'm walking away with this broken heart that you left..

walking away with this pain in me

walking away.. out of your life..

as a mistake...

and i wish you'll be happy..

and your life is now clean..

without someone like me...

you dont have to be ashamed

and you can always deny that you ever love me..

or you can pretend that you never knew me..

im saying these.. because i care..

i want the best for you...

even im actualy breaking my heart into pieces..

while writing this...

as time goes by..

there will be no memory of me left

in your mind...

loving was never easy..

but letting go its killing me...

sunshine..

you used to shine so bright..

and now i have watch you fade in time..

love,

your mistake in life..

i found all the pictures of us in the recycle bin and restore them back.. =)

how i wish i could just restore all

the moment we've shared

cause i really miss "US"

Why aren't you shine like before? =(

i miss you.. your warm smile...
i want you now to hold me tight and please dont let me go..
i need you, yhe only reason i stay alive.. yes, and im dying now..
getting weaker everyday.. without you by my side...
and knowing that love is fading.. i have no where to return...
im in pain, love...
and i can ask for anything.. all my prayer.. they seem to dissapear...
i never want you to stop loving me..
but now, i can see that.. you wont love like before...
i cant force love anymore..
wishing that you'll love me again... because your love that keeps me alive..
and now.. truth is.. i want you back in my life... so badly..

i've lost my ego.. my pride.. infront of you.. i've lost it all...
and yet.. you wont see how deep is my feeling... if you give me another chance..
im gonna show you that there's no love like this you'll ever meet someday..
its not easy...
i cried every night, and thats no lie...
i screamed like im in real pain.. which i am..
i dont know what should i do..
i wanna walk a way.. but i cant go a day without you.. i wish you know how to release me from this knot... i still feel the attachment between us...
im too scared you wouldnt love me anymore....
i wish you can feel the pain im in..
and maybe you dont care anymore...
im no longer a part of your life... i can feel that you're gone...
im sorry.. i cant move on that easily... call me stupid.. call me crazy.. cause i am..
i could never replace you...
please understand me... i know, there's nothing you can do about it...
and so do i... what should i do with my feeling..

im out of my mind now... i dont know what to do.. and no one could understand the pain im going thru beeing without you...
i dont know where to turn to now..
helpless.. i can only cry myself to sleep...
and all i need to make myself better is you..
what should i do now...?? i dont want to be this way, but its out of my hand now...
i cant control this feeling.. it took control of me... who should i blame...?
and ofcourse i wont blame you...
i just need you.. only you can make me feel better...

and i really need the answer to all these questions in my head...
why can we be together?
do you love me like before?
whats the differences between now and berfore?
why did you just throw it all away?

im sorry...
that i love you too much..
i wish i can just forget about love..
but with you.. i know.. that i could never..
maybe you dont love me anymore...

Need by Hana Pestle

i'm not quite sure how to breathe without you here

i'm not quite sure if I'm ready to say goodbye

to all we were

be with me

stay with me

just for now

let the time decide when i won't need you

my hand searches for your hand in a dark room

i can't find you

help me

are you looking for me

can i feel any more

lie to me,

i'm fading

i can't drop you

tell me i don't need you

my hand searches for your hand in a dark room

i can't find you

help me

are you looking for me

etch this into my brain for me

tell me how its supposed to be

where everything will go

and how i'll be without you by my side

my hand searches for your hand in a dark room

i can't find you

help me

are you looking for me

will i ever stop.? or maybe im gonna stay this way..

will i gonna ever stop loving someone like you..
because im so sure.. there's no one like you out there...
or maybe im gonna stay this way and stay in love with your light..
my sunshine.. how could i ever wish that i'll never gonna love you...
when im sure that i love you the most.. and its getting deeper each day...
the heavy the rain falls.. the more i need the warm light of sunshine...
its the same.. the more hurt its gonna be.. the more love i feel for you..
and who has the answer for that..
GOD..

i dont know what this love has done to me...
cause i think im doing the right thing by loving you...
it feels so right.. its like, loving you is the only right thing to do...
how i know this... i just dont know..
its like.. once i love.. i just love... there's no u-turn....
and i swear that this is love that im feeling.... i just know it.. the way im feeling it..
maybe you dont feel it.. but i cant fight it.. you should know that...
i am so sure about this... that you're my first true love... my very own true love..
even you did break my heart alot of times... still i cant get enough of your love...
even when it kills me to stay this way not as someone special in your life.. but still i want to stay
this way.. so i can still touch you.. love you...
i accept it.. that i'll never be the one for you.. but cant deny that you're the one for me...

it hurts... but theres nothing i want other than loving you..
and maybe i wont stop.. i could never stop... i know..
this is so true... i never love this way in my entire life.. and i know that i will never after you..
i hope that.. you'll let me stay forever..
and i could never show you.. this feeling..
and you'll never understand.. but i will always be this way...
and the only way for me to stop all of this.. is death... so true (sort of =p)
but i have no way of getting you out of my head.. of not to love you..
these cant be undone... im far way deeper than you think.. and im sorry that i could never leave you till forever... im sorry that i love you too much...
and till this point.. i dont care if im getting hurt even more... just hurt me as much as you want..
i will always stay in love... because i cant stop...
and i hope you'll never gonna leave my side.. cause i'll find a way to follow you.. where ever you'll go... i"ll chase you.. i promise you that... i dont care anymore... and i'll never stop... i will wait.. till you understand this natural feeling that came out from me...

you are.. all i have ever dream of...
i swear.. that you're the one.. that i've been looking for.. and no one will ever love you..
the way i love you...
maybe someday.. you'll look my way.. and understand what love is...
i wish that you'll love me back... and im gonna wait for that to happen..
i know that i'll wait.. because i cant seem to picture my life with anyone else but you..
and i'll take whatever risk coming my way..
and i wish i'll stay even more stronger for my love...
and im hoping that i'll win your heart someday...
till my last breath.. i know that i'll never stop loving you.. maybe i should not say things like this...
cause only god knows... but i feel it.. so strong.. and thats why i dare to say it to you..
that this love of mine wont ever stop...
i'll do anything for you... and i never been this far for anyone...
i just dont care about myself anymore.. because my life is my love for you.. without this love..
i rather die...
whatever it takes.. for me the be close to you.. and i'll do it.. unconditionaly...
i will always be here for you...
and please dont walk away from me...
because you'll never get the chance to run from me...

and please remember the love that i have for you.. if im gone someday..
because i will love you no matter where i'll be...
the deepest love i have ever felt... and i know that whatever i do for this one love..
its worth... every single tears.. and heartbreak...
im not gonna be tired loving you sunshine.. =)

loving you will never be enough..

wishing that i'll stop!!

this is unfair... the whole day, i was finding a way to talk to you..
a chance to talk to you.. and guess what.. i dont have that kind of chance...
and i have to admit.. its unfair.. its breaking my heart.. and i dont know what to do...
i miss you a lot... and talking to you was the only way i get to cope with that feeling..
how i wish i dont know how to miss you... because.. i know.. its hard for me to have all the chances just to talk or whatever with you... ='''(

its not that im mad about you're going to your friends house.. i do understand.. yes and i really want to understand.. but.. i felt left out.. and i cant talk to you... if i do get the chance to chat with you.. it wouldnt be the same...
hearing your voice and all.. maybe im askin too much from you... im sorry..
because sometimes... i just forgot where i should stand...
and i wish i can stop being this way... i hate the fact that im too depending on you.. like i really.. and i mean really.. dont have any other place to go.. other than you... and im not just saying it...
im writing this down as my tears.. falling down like its almost rain...
because i cant take it all alone...
owwwhh.. you have no idea... how i suffered.. when you're not around.. and when i needed you so much.. and you wont be there...
thats the reason.. i dont want us to see each other when we're over...
because.. i'll never learn how to not depending on you...
because now.. as we can see..like i said before... you can always come to me.. you can always talk to me.. you can always have me.. anytime.. when you need me..
i'll always be there for you.. you'll be number one in my everything...
but.. in my case... i cant always have you.. i have to wait for you to want me first.. can always go to you.. when im missing you, and i have to wait for you to miss me first...

i dont know.. what you'll think about this.. but this is what i see thru my point of view...
i wont get the first place in your eveything.. im not asking... but atleast dont make me the last...
and you know.. why i always felt like.. you only give me your left over time...
because its kinda feel like that... i was always the last one...
but im happy with it.. i do.. at least i do have a chance to see you..
i know.. n i know.. i cant ask for more.. what ever it is.. i have to accept..
because i choose to be this way..
i should not complain...
cause im too scared.. you'll leave forever..
and i cant go on without you.... i dont even wanna think about it... im too scared..
but my head cant stop it...
what will happen if someday.. you dont need me anymore...

im seeing you still till this day.. because, i wanna spend time with you..
i wanna make you happy... just to be by your side...
just to satisfiy your need...
because i know... that would be the only way for me.. to love you...
and its killing me everytime.. getting out from your car...
and walking away telling that 'i love you' to myself.. and not to you...
i wanna say it to your face.. but i m scared you'll run away...
because now.. its ' i syg you' and no more 'i love you'.. and thats what i should take...
you're moving on... cant you see....
and im doing all this just to stay as close as i get to be with you...

im wondering.. why cant we be together?
whats wrong with me....
maybe you're ashamed by me...
and i guess.. now.. i know where i stand...
and its a heartbreaking.. and i do hate myself for that...
what is wrong with beeing with me...
as i see it... we're happy...
and now... its like you're playing a game.. and whatever it is...
i dont care.. because i cant stop loving you...
and its kinda weird actually...
because.. i sometimes think that we're still together.. but we are not...
and everything i wanna do to you.. things that i wanna say to you..
i could not do it.. and say it like i used to...
and it hurts... it does hurts...
if only you can feel.. what i feel....
and sometimes i dont wanna do this anymore..
i want this to stop...
i wanna die... =(
i hate seeing myself doing this to me..and to you...
but i cant even do anything to stop this... how i wish i could just stab myself..
bleed and die... i really wish i hve the guts to do that!!

and now..
i wish i could just accept the fact.. that a guy like you
wont be with a girl like me...
and i could never be love the way i wish you'll love me..
and it shows that.. i love you more...
or maybe.. it was only me.. thats in love...
and now.. i'll always know.. that i will always be the last for you to look for..
and its ok... now i wont hope...
i wish i could just walk away... i wish i could stop loving you..
and i wish i could start learn how to stop...
because you'll never get it..
yoy'll never feel the pain im in..
you'll never understand my love..

but still, i wanna thank you for everything..
every single thing...
im glad you happened...
and i will always remember you..
and remember love..
and now.. im asking for a permission from you..
to start learning.. to stop loving you..
but i'll always remember the love we've shared..
and im sorry..
i cant be the same...
i could never be like what you've seen in
your entire live... im unlike those...
maybe i never meant for you..
because.. you'll never want to end up with someone like me..
you will always be my sunshine =)

i love you

whats left for us?

where i wanna be..

='(

i love you

thats all i know..

this is when i knew..

that you will always be there..

it doesnt matter if i was wrong

about it now

the memory cant be undone

as far as we move

it will stays

and im gonna miss you even more..

all the moment we've shared

will never be forgotten

but i have to admit

this is what brought us

together..

The very begining...
before we couldnt even feel for
each other..

dear sunshine..

hello there smiley face,
i miss you.. i really do..
im not sure what to write today..
i have alot of thoughts about you...
all these while..
im trying my best not to write it down..
all these wonderful thoughts of you...
....and now i dont know what to write...
i only have these questions..
linger in my head...
have i lost something..?
have i lost my sunshine..
is he the same person i used to love..
does he still have the same feeling for me..
like before...

and yes.. we cant be together..
i dont want to argue...
i just miss "us"
sunshine..sunshine..sunshine..
where are you now..
sometimes.. even when you're near..
its like you're far from me...
and i dont know what's my point..
i wont ask for more..
i just want to go with the flow...
i cant demand...
what you give...
thats what i take...
and still.. you can have all of me...
without askin..
im always yours...
thats what i believe...

you used to be..
the sunshine.. after the rain...
and now..
will you keep me warm..?
will you always be by my side?
my hope.. my wish..
they wont help..
useless.. nothing can help me to get my sunshine back..
and... now, im not going to do anything..
im giving in..

i will always love you
sunshine=)

saying goodbye to sunshine

where are you..?
when im bleeding to death..?
where are those hands..
that was all over me before..
and now when i really
need them..
did you even offer me
your hand..
no!!!

you can always have me..
whenever.. wherever..
you want me to be..
and how about me..??
i cant even have you..
when i really need you..
its so unfair..

and its easy for you to move on..
and enjoying your teen age..
how about me...?
i have to think it over and over again..
if this is what you called love..
i guess you're wrong..
you never love..
you're never mine..

you're just waiting to see..
what god has planed for you..
you're waiting for god..
to lead you to me..
well god just did..
cant you see..??
the clue is everywhere
around us..
we never could resist
each other..
will never want to forget love..
and i need you..
but.. god put you into a test..
and you.. just walk away
cause you never really love..
you should see my sincerity..
not my past..
maybe you'll find your dream
girl someday..
but how sure are you..
that she'll love as much as i do..
i promise you..
you wont find anyone like me..
i made mistake..
i regret it..
i cry about it every night..
even before i met you..
sometimes people cant explain..
how things happened..

i dont know..
how can i love you..
you took it all away..
everything i could wish for..
you're not dare enough
to face my past..
to fight it for me..
im in this war alone..
i wish i never love you..
yaaa.. i wish!
i regret that i met someone so wonderful..
but he turn out to be someone..
coward!!
you could never love..
what ashamed..

like you told me...
you heart its not for me..
it doesnt belong to me..
and its so true..
i agree..
but did you ever
try to figure it out..?
why does you heart..
once with me..?
unfortunately
it was meant for me..
but now..
thats all is a mistake..
we're both are mistaken..
for loving each other..
this is wrong!!!!!!

im not the one you want..
yaa i could never be one..
you wont let me..
and yaa...
you could never be the one too..
cause you never was..
im all you never wish for...
but i never lied about life..
and what i've been through..
thought me more about life..
maybe you're too young to understand..

i can write you..
a thousand sweet words..
cause you mean so much to me..
you're special..
too special..
but now..
i wont..
cause i guess..
you're special..
through everyone's eyes..
there's nothing left for me..
for me to see..
maybe im just like everyone else..

and yaa..
you asked me before..
if i have something
that i save it for you..
maybe i dont..
but..
i have my future..
just for you..
the whole of it..
i can offer you things
that you couldnt imagine..
you cant get it from anyone else..
i know.. what i still have..
and im glad..
i didnt show it all to you..
i dont want to wasted it
anymore..
because.. i guess you just
never see it..
thats why i never been
appreciated..
you wont stay longer..
to see what i have for you..
but its okay..
maybe..
they dont belong to..
i can make you experience
things that out of your imagination..
but you wouldnt like it now..
and you'll never find out..

i regret sharing this
special feeling with you..
and it is because..
you never know me..
you never want me for me..
i regret that i love you..
till this point...
i wont hate you now..
i will never...
because.. i wont feel anything for you..
anymore..
you're gone!

i want to thank you..
for opened up my eyes..
to see what i have..
and too bad..
its for us to share..
this is not love..
this is life..
you come now..
and you'll be gone..
a pit stop...

now you'll have your life..
and i'll have mine..
i dont want to know you..
and you never knew me..
we never love..
we never was..
this is my last blog.. and im
saying goodbye
to "sunshine"

sunshine was for everyone..
its not for me to keep..
i should know where i stand and where
i belong.. and its not by your side..

be happy now..
im gone

the place i want to be..

today..
every touch..
every kiss and hug..
its like a gift...

i should have known..
i'll never resist you..
thats why i dont think we
should still be in touch..
and today..
we'd make mistake..
but it feels so right..
to be by your side..
and when you hold me..
i feel like i belong..

and it breaks my heart..
that i might not have the chance
to be where i am
at the moment..
that would be in your warm
arms..
i dont want to leave..
i wish you can hold me longer..
and in my mind..
this is the place that i
want to be...

maybe god.. didnt leads you
to me now...
but god leads me to you..
its like god send you to me..
to see the other side of life..
and you deliver it well...
but i wasnt not the one for you..

and it is unfair..
and why..
i cant carry on like this..
its not only you..
i, myself cant stand seeing you..
without talking to you..
and the more you want to hold me..
the more i want to be hold by you..
and i know..
i never need anyone..
like i need you..

i miss you holding me..

today.. and good night

im gonna sleep again..
i wish..
this is all only a dream..
i wish i'll wake up with a smile..
i really.. hope that.. this is only a dream...
dream...

i didnt fight this feeling i have..
i wasnt denying this love..
im trying my best to live
with what i deserve..
i shouldnt ask for more..
having the chance to love you..
its more than everything
that i could get..

well,
here we go..
i want to tell you..
what i went through today..
i woke up..
i got scold by mama..
=)
and i try my best to continue
sleeping..
but i cant..
i was sitting down..
thinking what did
i missed today..
that would be you..
but i tried not to think that much..
i dont want to cry..
i dont think you like me crying..
=)
so.. i wrote a blog..
and what i wrote at the previous
blog..
is actually helping me cope
with my sadness..
i really wish it was a dream..
and im gonna see you again..
in my dream..
i'll love you..

and yaa.. i went to a movie..
'i love you, beth cooper'
you're right..
it was a nice movie...
but i only can think of you while watching it..
i almost cry...

i've been singing the whole day =)
all the song that i wanted to sing you..
im happy i can still love you..
and thanks for letting me..
=)
my phone hasnt ring
at all...
guess what i did..
i switched it off..
because i know..
i dont really need it anymore..
new thing for me..
i could live without it before...
and now.. i just dont need it anymore..
i didnt even bring it
when im going out..
=) that's quite funny..
because im so used
to wait for your call...
now i know that..
you wont call...
but.. secretly im still waiting..
=)
thats why i off it..
this is a whole new world for me..
still trying to get used to it..

p/s: i love you even more..
and i miss you.. good night

love,
happy =)

another new day...

today..
its like i just woke up..
from a long dream..
and i think..
i was dreaming last night..
about love..
and the dream was wonderful..
i know that i wont be able to find
a love like that in real life..
i wish i could keep on dreaming
about that love again..
because it makes me happy..

in that dream..
i remember that
im loved..
and i love him too..
i wish i didnt wake up..
i wish i could sleep forever..
so i'll be dreaming forever..
cause i miss it so much..
the dream..

and tonight
when im going to bed..
i'll be dreaming about the same thing..
so when i wake up..
i will always remember..
this one and only dream that i have..
wont it be wonderful..
and i hope someday..
i wont be awaken.. from that dream..

cause this dream..
is too wonderful..
to be real..

**it was only a dream..
i love you.. and you love me..
i wont forget the feeling..
even though its only a dream..
whoever you are..
i wanted you to know..
that this love is real...

another story to tell

im a blue bird..
you're the sun...


a bird is in love with
the sun...
the bird says
"i love you sun..
the biggest star of the universe..
someday i'll bring you a gift..
a special one.. so you'll feel loved
by me"

the bird collected
a thousands different
flower for the sun...
but the bird dont know how
to reach the sun..
the bird wonders..
how far is the sun..
it should be that far..
because.. the bird
feels the light...
the bright lights
coming from the sun.
and thats the reason..
the blue bird is so
in love with the sun..
because it keeps the bird warm..

when it is at night..
the blue bird cry to itself..
"where are you my love..?
why do you have to go..
my whole world is in darkness..
im cold.. there's only moon...
it's not bright enough.. i need you sun.."

one day,
the blue bird goes to
the mother..
and ask the mother..
"how can i get to touch the sun mom?
i miss the sun.. i love him..
i want to be close to him.. could you please
show me the way?"
the mother answer the bird...
"my love.. you'll never reach the sun..
you're hoping to high..
to be in love with the sun..
thats possible.."
the blue bird wonder why
the mother told her that..
"mom, how could you say
something like that to me..
is it wrong for me to fall
in love the sun..?"

the mother explain..
"there's nothing wrong to fall
in love.. with your own kind..
but not the sun..
you'll hurt yourself..
cause.. the sun is to far..
you cant reach it..
you'll never will..
you'll burnt to ashes..
please understand.."
so the blue bird now
understand..
that they are never meant
for each other..
so the bird gives up...

not for long..
the blue bird cant stand
the love that she have for the sun..
its too strong..
she cant lie...
so as she collected all the flowers..
she pack them in a silk..
and the bird fly up to the sky..
with the flowers..
as the bird flies...
higher..
the bird cant breathe...
but she struggle to reach the sun..
and flies until she reach the..
the space.. she barely breathe
and she almost reach the sun..
its getting hotter..
keep flying..
and before the blue bird
get to touch the sun..
she's all burnt up..
the bird doesnt get the chance
to tell "i love you"
to the sun...

(if the blue bird didnt fly to the sun..
she would be alive until now..
but she'll never get to show..
her love to the sun...
she'll be watching the sun from a distance)

-the end-
i'll be missing you, syg...

already gone by kelly clarkson

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

Even with our fists held high
It never would've worked out right
We were never meant for do or die

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hold you, now I can't stop

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you want to cry

Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone

Already gone, already gone, already gone
Already gone, already gone, already gone, yeah

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone

i wish i can forget about you...=(

im awaken from my sleep..
again... you will always be the first
thing on my mind..
and again..
i wish this never happen..
i need you...
its hard...
being like this..
i dont want at all..
to forget about you..
i hate to try..
all i want to do is..
to love you with all my heart..
how i wish,
you would feel the same right now..
wanting to be with me so badly..
cause i really am..
im suffering not being with you...
i dont want to say all of this..
cause i really want you
to be happy..
im letting you
to be free..
god.. im praying
for this pain to go away..
i really want to be happy
again...
i want to love...
i want to live...
but its killing me now...
and i wish its worth it..

good morning sunshine..
i dont know what to wish you..
i miss you so very much..
i remember the morning we went
to gaya street...
i dont know why..
i kinda remembering everything
we've done together..
to be honest..
i wish i could turn back time..
and make it all
so perfect..
so you and can be
so happy together...

i miss you..
like this feeling inside..
is too much
and cant carry it all alone..
i miss you and loving you..
and got carried away..
i need you...
why this is happening??
what went wrong with
love...
sometimes,
i wish i could just tell you..
that i want you back..
but that would be selfish..
that would be cruel...

want this to end..
i hate doing this to you..
i never stop crying..
i cant stop..
this is hard..
i thought it would
be easy this way..
help me..
chase all this loneliness
away from me..

im trying my best...
not to let you down this time
i really want this for you..
im doing this..
cause i want to show you..
that i love you..
thats why i left..
but i still need you..
i want to hold you like before..
i hate this feeling..
i really do..
its like want you back...
and its possible.

im missing you like crazy
=(

a lil girl..
a lil boy...
fight over a candy..
and for sure.. the boy will win..
he has the candy with him..
and let the girl cry..
it happens everytime..
the weird thing is..
that lil boy never eat any of the candy
that he bought..

the boy's mom asked him
"honey, why are fighting for all these candy?"
the boy answered
"cause i want them so badly.."
the mom keep on askin..
"but you can have any other candy..
why do you have to make that girl cry..?
why dont you just let her get it..
its not like you're eating the candies.."
the boy stare at the mother and confess..
"mom, i like to see that girl cry.. i want her to cry so badly..
cause someday.. i'll will give her all these candy to her as a gift..
cause.. i wanna be the one person who can make her smile.."
the boy smile and continue explaining..
"well as you can see she cried many times before..
just for a candy.. can you imagine with these candy that i have..
how big she can smile..?"
the mom wondering.."what's going on with you son.. do you like her?"
the boy answered.. "i dont know, i dont really understand"

one day..
the boy go to the girl..
he smile at her..
but she refused to even look at him..
the said "dont hate me.. you'll ending up
liking me"=)
the girl just walked away without saying anything..
in school..
the boy brings all the candy.. in a huge box..
he can barely carry it..
and he gives it ti the girl..
the girl was confused..
"what is this? its a gift? its not even my birthday yet..
and you dont even like me.."
the boy stare at her and asked her to open the box..
the girl open it..
and she sees all the candy that she wanted to get...
she smile.. a very big smile..
she's too excited.. she hug him very tide!!
and they become friends..=)
just like any other love story..
they fall in love..
as the grew up..
so does their love..

after so long..
they only felt happiness..
how they wish this love.. this happiness..
will never end..
but its not always a happy ending..
(especially if the story written by shaiza =p)

so here the sad part..
the girl fall sick..
she getting ill...
she might not make it
anymore..
this is when the boy..
feel so sad..
he has no power to undo..
her sickness..
but the girl was trying to
accept her fate..
she's not sad about dying..
but she was sad leaving him..

she got into hospital..
the boy is the one person
who never leave her side..
she feel blessed..
that this boy actually will love her
forever..
she dont have to worry about love anymore..
she knows.. this one love..
is a miracle.. is a gift..
sent from heaven..

one day..
the boy was mad..
he cant take it anymore..
he blame everything around him..
he even blame god..
but the girl told him something..

"my love, dont be angry..
dont blame god for what happen..
it was meant to be...
and guess what..
im happy.. i've got all i wanted..
i've found you my love..
you complete me..
i dont regret anything..
love is not cruel honey..
its not pain..
you have to learn to accept..
and i promise you that love wont fade away..
even if im gone..
you will always have my love..
please my love..
forgive me...
i dont mean to leave you so soon..
but wont you be happy to let me free..
i wont suffer up there..
they take a good care of me...
you should be proud to be tested by god..
cause god knows..
how strong is your love for me..
how strong is our love..
im sure god has a better plan for us..
you'll never know my love..."

the boy was crying
so hard..
he cant even say anything..
other than "i love you.. i really do"
and then the girl.. pull out a box
under her bed..
and give it to the boy..
the boy was surprised
it was the candy's box that
he gave her when they were little kids..
"you kept it.. you never eat them.."
the girl answer..
"yea.. i never eat the candy..
i keep them cause it reminds me of you..
and how i enjoying fighting with you..
when i miss the moment..
i'll always have the box full of candy..
that u gave me..
you know it makes me smile.."
the boy asked..
"so why are giving it to me now..?"
the girl explain..
"love, i never like or wish to see you cry..
and this box.. not only content candies..
but its full of joy.. smile and love..
i wish you'll smile now.. keep it..
so you'll always have my smile when you're sad.."
the boy smile with tears on his face..
and hug the girl..
saying that he loves her..
he thank her for the wonderful life and the joy..
and she fell asleep..
forever....

and the boy..
is still believe that she will always
with him..
and love him till the end..

-the end-
i love you syg!!!

my love for you means..

love.. that i have for you..
its not a game..
that we can quit on it..
its not a competition..
no one wins.. or lose..

its a feeling that came out from
my heart without noticing it..
its a wonderful feeling..
that i wish we could share..
a love doesnt hate..
love, it doesnt see..
love that i own..
its a miracle that happened..
to me..
it teaches me alot of thing
in life..

maybe, i dont understand love..
but im feeling it right through myself..
love makes me see..
myself.. it teaches me
to believe in myself..
my love is you..

love opened up my eyes..
to a different side of life..
that i never seen before..
love shows me how special you are..

and love is not pain..
it doesnt hurt..
it always gentle..
love is never boring..
love is for you to accept..
to cherish it..

i dont know much about love..
its also unpredictable..
love is never lonely..
but all i know..
that love is a gift
that should be appreciate..
cause we'll never know..
once we lost it..
we might not going to get it
back..

i cant rest my mind from thinking of you..

the more i try not to think of you..
the more i actually think of you..
i cant close my eyes without
seeing the images of you...
i hate to say this..
but i miss you even more..

loving you this way..
its the only way i have..
there's no other choice..
i cant sleep well...
i even dream of you in my sleep..
you're everywhere..

i wish...
when i close my eyes..
you wont be there..
and when i open my eyes..
you'll be right infront of me...
cause.. its hurting me to see u in every sleep..
but when i wake up..
and you're not here with me..
it makes me sad and i'll cry everytime
i wake up from that dream of you..

to be honest..
i still..
want to hold you close..
i want to kiss your smile..
i want to touch you hair..
i want you to hug me..
it's heaven to me..

now and forever

Whenever Im weary From the battles that raged in my head You made sense of madness When my sanity hangs by a thread I lose my way, but still you Seem to understand Now & Forever, I will be your man Sometimes I just hold you Too caught up in me to see Im holding a fortune That Heaven has given to me I'll try to show you Each and every way I can Now & Forever, I will be your man Now I can rest my worries And always be sure That I wont be alone, anymore If I¡¯d only known you were there All the time, All this time¡­¡­. Until the day the ocean Doesnt touch the sand Now & Forever I will be your man Now & Forever, I will be your man now and forever by richard marx

song dedication for you: from this moment by shania twain

From This Moment On lyrics

(I do swear that I'll always be there.
I'd give anything and everything and I will always care.
Through weakness and strength, happiness and sorrow,
for better for worse, I will love you with
every beat of my heart.)
From this moment life has begun
From this moment you are the one
Right beside you is where I belong
From this moment on

From this moment I have been blessed
I live only for your happiness
And for your love I'd give my last breath
From this moment on

I give my hand to you with all my heart
Can't wait to live my life with you, can't wait to start
You and I will never be apart
My dreams came true because of you

From this moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment on

You're the reason I believe in love
And you're the answer to my prayers from up above
All we need is just the two of us
My dreams came true because of you

From this moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment
I will love you as long as I live
From this moment on

eventually out of your life

love..love..love..
do we even understand it..
now there's no more you and me..
but i cant deny the love i have for you..
it wont fade..

i wish when we go our
separate ways...
you'll find what you really want..
cause you know what you want..
dont make mistake..
i was once a mistake in your life..
you dont want that to happen..
so be careful before you fall..

did i tell you that you turn out
to be most perfect person i have ever met..
you are to me..
and i miss you so much..
i miss the light..
but it always been yours..
never was mine..
thats why i love being around
sunshine..
=)

please forgive me..
for all the pain..
anything that i've done
wrong..
now you can breathe free...
you only have to think about..
yourself..
there's no more me..=)
i really want you to be happy..
you know i'll do anything..
but i dont want tears from you..
i rather hurt myself..
then seeing you struggle
not to think about my past..
or anything to do with me..

just so you know..
i'll never stop loving you..
and you'll always know
i miss you every second..
i hope im doing the right thing
for you..

if its love.. we are really meant for each other..

sayang..
i love you..
and you know it...
i want you so badly..
but it will never work out..
because those thoughts in your head..
will never let it be "us"
if you really do love me..
this wont happen..

i wont let you suffer..
i wont let those thoughts bothering you..
i wont be a part of your life..
i just want you to be happy..
and i cant make you happy..
im useless..
why should i stay..?
i cant do anything right for you..

be free sunshine..
love.. laugh..
go and shine someone's life..
you'll brighten people's life..
you'll be so special..
and i'll be watching you shine..
and i'll be happy.. if you are..
dont get hurt my love..
you're lovable..

im leaving..
dont look for me..
i want you to be happy..
be free.. fly.. as high as you wish..
dont stop till you reach what you really want..
dont remember me as me..
please.. just think that im one of your dream..
i never exist..
go and dont come back..
the world is big enough for you to discover
my love..
you'll find someone so special...
and i wish she'll love you more than i do..
i really want the best thing to happen to you..
if you still stuck with me..
you'll never find your miracle..
you'll never find the best thing that
could ever happen to you..

love,
i wish you good luck in life..
i wish you happiness..
i wish you love..
be happy please..
you're free now sunshine..
go and shine.. dont bother to think about
what's goin to happen to me..
i'll be fine..
i love you..
and i will always do..

atleast im doing something right
for you now...

keep reading this blog..
i'll never stop writing about
SUNSHINE..
i promise..

lastly.
i love you

p/s: this blog shall continue.....

the harderst it gets.. the more love im feeling..

i wish i have a reason..
but i cant even find any reason..

"its not you.. its me"
the words.. you're using..
what it means..?
its an excuse..

what is wrong..
for me to love someone..
so much..
to love someone with all my heart..
to sincerely loving you..
what is wrong with me being true to myself..
for once???

it is pain im going through..
sometimes i cant take it..
but this love im feeling.. is even stronger..
stronger than the pain..
how am i suppose to give up..?

now can you please explain..
what is wrong to love..
what is so wrong to feel..
what is so wrong with me?
and im sure its not you..

im always the problem..
im sorry.. you dont have to deny it..
i know..
if its not for me..
you wont feel this way...

i hate to see you suffer..
from thinking about
whatever it is that related to me..
no that's not what i want..
i want you to be happy..
and i do..
you're way too special..
for all of these..
you do deserve better than this..
and i know you knew it..

i wish i can let you go..
so you're free to feel only the good things in life..
joyful story of your own..
i dont want you to share the pain
that i've been through all my life..
you're to precious for that sunshine..

owwhhh.. i dont know what to do..
am i too selfish..
im wondering if i ever done anything good for you..
its like loving you its not enough..
someone like you need more than i could ever offered..
im out of my mind..
i kept thinking about letting you go..
so hard.. but i cant..
i guess i am selfish..
i want the best for you..
i do..
and i could never be the best..
im sorry..

if only i could erase myself..
out of your world.. your life
and out of everything that exist..
i would!
i want to do it so badly..
i dont want me..
in fact.. without you..
i dont need to have myself..

everyday..
i think of how much i need you..
but i forgot to think about..
if you ever really need me...?
i never know..
im selfish.. for thinking about
only what i feel about you...
and not about how u feel about me..
im sorry..
but i cant undo everything..
i went into deep..
what should i do now..?

i only want the best for you..
you're everything to me..
i dont want you to suffer for loving me..
sometimes i wish that
you just have to let me go..
even though its going hurt me
so badly..
i only want you to be happy..
i dont care about my feeling anymore..
because you're way important than
how i might feel..

you know i'll do anything..
for you..
maybe it is true..
loving someone is to let them go..
letting go for good..
its hard for me to write it all out like this..
it cause me tons of tears..

i wish i never hope..
i wish i never dream..
of you and me..
because right now..
i cant undo all the thoughts i have
for you and me..
and i cant seem to find the point
of what i've been writing
i dont know...
or maybe i have no guts to say things
that i dont mean..

and i love you..
i really do..
this one is real..
i know..
it's more than love..
but i dont have a word for this feeling right here..
i just love you too much..
too much..
and its not easy for me to forget..
even if i have to someday..

I CAN'T UNLOVE YOU!!!!

do you remember the day you left me? read this "pieces of my heart" i was broken back then..

"now when you miss him,
it means.. let him be alone..."

"love is; every second you cry..
and not even noticing it.."

"the scariest thing in life..
when you're holding someone so close..
and trying your best not giving it all up.."

"you'll be sure.. when you want it"

i've missed the point of being so alone..
is to learn loving yourself better.."

"the miserable person inside..
is one wonderful person.."

"you have to let me in even though
it hurts.."

"in the corner of my mind..
im trying my best
to let go for good.."

"thinking of every moment..
i held you in my arms..
kills me deeper.. and im falling apart"

"and i cant count the days..
you made me happy, sad..
and cry.. but i know there's only
one LOVE i can count on"

"what's the point..
to love someone..
but not loving them??"

"you can rip out my heart..
throw it away..
stab it a thousand times..
but please.. dont ever leave it out..
bleeding.."

"i LOVE you..
i could DIE.."

"the most funny thing is..
seeing yourself cry infront
of the mirror
and laugh about it in the end.."

"Love,
it never sleeps..
it never rest..
always around..
it always been there for you..
all the time..
Love,
you'll never read it..
you'll never reach it..
but you'll feel it..
and you'll share it..
with one special person.."

"wishing for time to past by..
so fast... so fast...
i dont have to think it over..
just have to let it past..
leaving me.. as you wish from me..
to leave.. and times.. hopefully..
will heal the wound..
sweeps the tears.. let it be
gentle without marks or scars..
that can remind me of you..
let it be and be free.."

"as i bleed,
i think of you..
im bleeding even more..
love that i have..
is this a gifted love?
or a cursed?"

" love is not for you to learn..
but it is for you to experience"

"you have taken everything..
my love, my heart and my soul..
without you..
im just a left over..!!
i've got nothing!!
dont you understand...
you're my everything!!"

" i dont have anyone to talk yo..
im all alone..
and in my mind, you're having so much fun..
while im here.. crying till i cant even feel my eyes..
why dont you just kill me.. please!!
i know you'd never ask me this..
but i did..
i did gave up on everything for you.. ya you..
and i've made you my life.. my everything..
and now you're leaving me.. and i..
i have nothing left..
i miss you so badly..
if i have one wish..
that would be..
for you to come back, love"

"i was scared
you will leave me someday..
but now.. i dont have to..
because you have left!!"