wishing that i'll stop!!

this is unfair... the whole day, i was finding a way to talk to you..
a chance to talk to you.. and guess what.. i dont have that kind of chance...
and i have to admit.. its unfair.. its breaking my heart.. and i dont know what to do...
i miss you a lot... and talking to you was the only way i get to cope with that feeling..
how i wish i dont know how to miss you... because.. i know.. its hard for me to have all the chances just to talk or whatever with you... ='''(

its not that im mad about you're going to your friends house.. i do understand.. yes and i really want to understand.. but.. i felt left out.. and i cant talk to you... if i do get the chance to chat with you.. it wouldnt be the same...
hearing your voice and all.. maybe im askin too much from you... im sorry..
because sometimes... i just forgot where i should stand...
and i wish i can stop being this way... i hate the fact that im too depending on you.. like i really.. and i mean really.. dont have any other place to go.. other than you... and im not just saying it...
im writing this down as my tears.. falling down like its almost rain...
because i cant take it all alone...
owwwhh.. you have no idea... how i suffered.. when you're not around.. and when i needed you so much.. and you wont be there...
thats the reason.. i dont want us to see each other when we're over...
because.. i'll never learn how to not depending on you...
because now.. as we can see..like i said before... you can always come to me.. you can always talk to me.. you can always have me.. anytime.. when you need me..
i'll always be there for you.. you'll be number one in my everything...
but.. in my case... i cant always have you.. i have to wait for you to want me first.. can always go to you.. when im missing you, and i have to wait for you to miss me first...

i dont know.. what you'll think about this.. but this is what i see thru my point of view...
i wont get the first place in your eveything.. im not asking... but atleast dont make me the last...
and you know.. why i always felt like.. you only give me your left over time...
because its kinda feel like that... i was always the last one...
but im happy with it.. i do.. at least i do have a chance to see you..
i know.. n i know.. i cant ask for more.. what ever it is.. i have to accept..
because i choose to be this way..
i should not complain...
cause im too scared.. you'll leave forever..
and i cant go on without you.... i dont even wanna think about it... im too scared..
but my head cant stop it...
what will happen if someday.. you dont need me anymore...

im seeing you still till this day.. because, i wanna spend time with you..
i wanna make you happy... just to be by your side...
just to satisfiy your need...
because i know... that would be the only way for me.. to love you...
and its killing me everytime.. getting out from your car...
and walking away telling that 'i love you' to myself.. and not to you...
i wanna say it to your face.. but i m scared you'll run away...
because now.. its ' i syg you' and no more 'i love you'.. and thats what i should take...
you're moving on... cant you see....
and im doing all this just to stay as close as i get to be with you...

im wondering.. why cant we be together?
whats wrong with me....
maybe you're ashamed by me...
and i guess.. now.. i know where i stand...
and its a heartbreaking.. and i do hate myself for that...
what is wrong with beeing with me...
as i see it... we're happy...
and now... its like you're playing a game.. and whatever it is...
i dont care.. because i cant stop loving you...
and its kinda weird actually...
because.. i sometimes think that we're still together.. but we are not...
and everything i wanna do to you.. things that i wanna say to you..
i could not do it.. and say it like i used to...
and it hurts... it does hurts...
if only you can feel.. what i feel....
and sometimes i dont wanna do this anymore..
i want this to stop...
i wanna die... =(
i hate seeing myself doing this to me..and to you...
but i cant even do anything to stop this... how i wish i could just stab myself..
bleed and die... i really wish i hve the guts to do that!!

and now..
i wish i could just accept the fact.. that a guy like you
wont be with a girl like me...
and i could never be love the way i wish you'll love me..
and it shows that.. i love you more...
or maybe.. it was only me.. thats in love...
and now.. i'll always know.. that i will always be the last for you to look for..
and its ok... now i wont hope...
i wish i could just walk away... i wish i could stop loving you..
and i wish i could start learn how to stop...
because you'll never get it..
yoy'll never feel the pain im in..
you'll never understand my love..

but still, i wanna thank you for everything..
every single thing...
im glad you happened...
and i will always remember you..
and remember love..
and now.. im asking for a permission from you..
to start learning.. to stop loving you..
but i'll always remember the love we've shared..
and im sorry..
i cant be the same...
i could never be like what you've seen in
your entire live... im unlike those...
maybe i never meant for you..
because.. you'll never want to end up with someone like me..
you will always be my sunshine =)

i love you