Thank You For Everything (My Birthday)

Sunshine.. =)

im not sure what to say, other than thank you...

you are a dream come true...

and im glad that i spend my birthday with you..

thanks for the cake..

you'd the 1st guy who bought me a cake...

i love it..=)

and im sorry for what i said earlier about the cake..

honestly.. i dont mean it...

i was surprised...

and too happy.. until i forgot the words "thank you"

im sorry... i do appreciate it...

i will always remember my 21st birthday..

and thanks for everything..

every single thing you do for me..

the happiness..

and im happy...

thanks for the memories...

you will always be my only sunshine..

im feeling a lot better now...

thank you so much...

(this morning.. i watched you drove away, its like watching you walk away..

im trying my best to set you free... and syg you know now that im trying..

because i care about you.. im learning how to let you go.. and i wont be there to stand your

way... i wnat you to be happy... and im gonna be happy too.... you will always in my mind..

you could never be replaced.. my only sunshine....)

TAYLOR SWIFT-BREATHE

I see your face in my mind as I drive away'

Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way

People are people and sometimes we change our minds

But it's killing me to see you go after all this time

Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm

Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm

Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie

It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see'

Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down

Now I don't know what to be without you around

And we know it's never simple, never easy

Never a clean break, no one here to save me

You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

And I can't breatheWithout you, but I have to

BreatheWithout you, but I have to

Never wanted this, never want to see you hurt

Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve

People are people and sometimes it doesn't work out

Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out

And we know it's never simple, never easy

Never a clean break, no one here to save me

You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

And I can't breatheWithout you, but I have to

BreatheWithout you, but I have to

It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend

Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me

It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend

Hope you know this ain't easy, easy for me

And we know it's never simple, never easy

Never a clean break, no one here to save me, oh

I can't breatheWithout you, but I have to

BreatheWithout you, but I have to

BreatheWithout you, but I have to

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorryI'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry

I'm Sorry, Sunshine

im sorry..
i was blinded with this love im feeling..
till i didnt think of what you are feeling..
im sorry that i couldnt understand..
but im trying you know..
its just that sometimes..
i lost control of myself...

maybe,
its gonna be alot better..
if im not around you..
thats why im trying to walk away
because.. i cant be part of this..
i wasnt selfish..
if you only see...
im leaving because of you..
and i admit... that this pain
is one of the reason..
im hurting myself.. and you..

i wish i could be the one to understand you
so i can always be by your side..
and today.. i learnt something..
that i could never be the one..
because i cant understand you..
and we are living in two completely
different world..
we are different..
maybe we were never meant for each other..
and thats why.. you left me in the first place..
there must be a reason..
why god leads us to this..
and i guess.. i figure it out now..

and sayang, lastly
i love you..

REMEMBER

what can i get from this broken heart?
will it ever goin to love again someday..
you've done with me, and the damage was perfect..
no one in my life ever hurt me this way..
and congratz..
you've succesfully destroy me..
break my heart into a thousand pieces..
nothing left...
other then pain that im feeling..

remember this always..
that you were once the one i love the most..
and you're also the one who hurt me the most
and now.. im all dead inside..
and my love is worthless..
and thanks.. you'd showed me
whats a real pain is...

all i ever wish for is you..
your love...
and .. all i got to take is pain and hurt..

i really hate to see you move on..
cause i will never...
i hate this.. i do...
and im gonna miss you..
but please..
no matter what happen..
let me stay in this pain...

you couldnt understand..
i've been telling you things..
and still you cant see it..
the problem is.. im so in love with you
more then anything else in this world...

Can You Imagine Me Now..?

my every night.. fills with tears.. and pain..
i cant sleep well.. my head cant stop thinking of you
and i am trying not to...
im suffering either way..
to keep in touch or not being in touch at all..
there's no different now...
and im not blaming you now...
and i dont know what to blame..
or maybe its just me...

i spend my time filling this blog with my broken feelings..
and listen to all the songs..
and i fill my time with tears.. rolling down my face..
can you imagine me now..
and at this point..
where are you...?
what are doing...?
can you see the different now...

you used to be so wonderful..
you put a thousand happy thoughts in my mind..
you used to light up my face..
where have all of that gone?
i can use them now...
but you're different now...
have i lost sunshine...?

can you imagine my pain now?
and these tears.. wont stop falling..
and i guess.. you're having fun out there..
without imagining me..
i wish i could do the same...
but we're different...

have you ever think..
what i might be doing at the time like this?
and ofcourse..
i wasnt having joyful time...
i cant seem to move on...
when will i stop?
i want to forget about you..
i wanna move on..
and it kills me to try...

can you really imagine you in my position
right now?
i really need you..
right now...
i just wannna stay in your arms...
and cry my heart out...
but you're not here...

Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy

Your fingertips across my skin

The palm trees swaying in the wind

Images

You sang me Spanish lullabies

The sweetest sadness in your eyes

Clever trick

Well, I never want to see

you unhappy

I thought you'd want the

same for me

[Chorus]

Goodbye, my almost lover

Goodbye, my hopeless dream

I'm trying not to think about you

Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

Should've known you'd bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street

You took my hand and danced with me

Images

And when you left, you kissed my lips

You told me you would never, never forget

These images

No

Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy

I thought you'd want the same for me

[Chorus]

Goodbye, my almost lover

Goodbye, my hopeless dream

I'm trying not to think about you

Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

Should've known you'd bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean

I cannot drive the streets at night

I cannot wake up in the morning

Without you on my mind

So you're gone and I'm haunted

And I bet you are just fine

Did I make it that

Easy to walk right in and out

Of my life?

[Chorus]

Goodbye, my almost lover

Goodbye, my hopeless dream

I'm trying not to think about you

Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

Should have known you'd bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do

will i always wait..?

im sad...
tears falling..
its raining again today.. =''(
i tried my best.. not to think of you..
and yet i failed!!
i hate my feeling..
im missing you
and im weak..

the hardest part was to wait till..
you finaly have time for me..
i keep waiting..
and yeaahhh no matter
how tired i was...
i cant sleep...
i only see you
i hatwe that...
and to night...
you showed me..
that you wont have
any quality time for me...
and i know..
im no one..
so why should you spare a time
for me...
like always..
i will take what ever left...

and im sad today..
real sad...
like everyday..
and when will this stop...
it feels like
i wanna end my life..
i cant stand it..

i needed you today..
and you wont be here with me...
and i deserve it..
couldnt ask for more..
i can only cry my heart out while writing this blog
like always...

i'll keep this in mind..
i hope it will help me to go thru the day..
"you dont love, you dont care"
"im nobody to you.. never will be"
"you have better things to do then be here with me"
and im gonna accept the fact that..
im no longer important in your life

i wish i have the answer to all of these..
and stop the pain..

SUNSHINE by The All American Rejects

It's a new day

It's a bright day

Even when you stand in the dark

It's just that

You've been broken into fifty pieces

Today is gone

I'm the only light that you see

You need someone

I know all you needed was me

Everyday we wake if it takes too long

Just tell me something new Forget about the sunshine when it's gone

Another pale moon Shines like high noon

Midnight never felt so cold alone

It's just that you're uneasy

When you need me

Today is goneI'm the only light that you see

You need someone I know all you needed was me

Everyday we wake if it takes too long

Just tell me something new Forget about the sunshine when it's gone

You can say it's right, but it feels so wrong

Just show me something true

Forget about the sunshine

Forget about the sunshine when it's gone

Today is gone

I'm the only light that you see

You need someone I know all you needed was me

Everyday we wake if it takes too long

Just tell me something new Forget about the sunshine when it's gone

You can think it's right, but it feels so wrong

Just show me something true

Forget about the sunshine

Forget about the sunshine when it's gone

Everyday we wake if it takes too long

Just tell me something new Forget about the sunshine when it's gone

You can think it's right, but it feels so wrong

Just show me something true

Forget about the sunshine

Forget about the sunshine when it's gone

to what we have become...

im not sure.. if you will ever gonna read this blog or maybe not..

but i wish someday you will..

im not gonna tell you that i love you or how much i miss you...

im writing this.. because i cant sleep..

and yea.. you're in my head..

when i close my eyes.. i'll be imagining your face

i cant sleep.. my head filled with the thoughts of you

im not gonna call you anymore..

im not gonna chase you anymore..

because, i cant force you to love,

and im sorry

that i force the situation...

once you dont want me anymore..

thats mean.. i will never get the chance to be in your life..

i wont be a part of you..

you dont need me like before..

as i became less important..

i know where i should stand..

and now..

this is what we have become..

"stranger"

and you need to know this...

that im really hurt..

that i could not think of anything else that might hurt..

you cut me real deep..

this scar will stay..

and i will remember that..

you left me..

and you dont love me...

and i will always remember that..

you never really want me in your life..

that im just a mistake..

that happened to you..

will always remember that..

it was never love that you felt for me..

and im definately remember..

that you're better of without me..

and i'm walking away with this broken heart that you left..

walking away with this pain in me

walking away.. out of your life..

as a mistake...

and i wish you'll be happy..

and your life is now clean..

without someone like me...

you dont have to be ashamed

and you can always deny that you ever love me..

or you can pretend that you never knew me..

im saying these.. because i care..

i want the best for you...

even im actualy breaking my heart into pieces..

while writing this...

as time goes by..

there will be no memory of me left

in your mind...

loving was never easy..

but letting go its killing me...

sunshine..

you used to shine so bright..

and now i have watch you fade in time..

love,

your mistake in life..

i found all the pictures of us in the recycle bin and restore them back.. =)

how i wish i could just restore all

the moment we've shared

cause i really miss "US"

Why aren't you shine like before? =(

i miss you.. your warm smile...
i want you now to hold me tight and please dont let me go..
i need you, yhe only reason i stay alive.. yes, and im dying now..
getting weaker everyday.. without you by my side...
and knowing that love is fading.. i have no where to return...
im in pain, love...
and i can ask for anything.. all my prayer.. they seem to dissapear...
i never want you to stop loving me..
but now, i can see that.. you wont love like before...
i cant force love anymore..
wishing that you'll love me again... because your love that keeps me alive..
and now.. truth is.. i want you back in my life... so badly..

i've lost my ego.. my pride.. infront of you.. i've lost it all...
and yet.. you wont see how deep is my feeling... if you give me another chance..
im gonna show you that there's no love like this you'll ever meet someday..
its not easy...
i cried every night, and thats no lie...
i screamed like im in real pain.. which i am..
i dont know what should i do..
i wanna walk a way.. but i cant go a day without you.. i wish you know how to release me from this knot... i still feel the attachment between us...
im too scared you wouldnt love me anymore....
i wish you can feel the pain im in..
and maybe you dont care anymore...
im no longer a part of your life... i can feel that you're gone...
im sorry.. i cant move on that easily... call me stupid.. call me crazy.. cause i am..
i could never replace you...
please understand me... i know, there's nothing you can do about it...
and so do i... what should i do with my feeling..

im out of my mind now... i dont know what to do.. and no one could understand the pain im going thru beeing without you...
i dont know where to turn to now..
helpless.. i can only cry myself to sleep...
and all i need to make myself better is you..
what should i do now...?? i dont want to be this way, but its out of my hand now...
i cant control this feeling.. it took control of me... who should i blame...?
and ofcourse i wont blame you...
i just need you.. only you can make me feel better...

and i really need the answer to all these questions in my head...
why can we be together?
do you love me like before?
whats the differences between now and berfore?
why did you just throw it all away?

im sorry...
that i love you too much..
i wish i can just forget about love..
but with you.. i know.. that i could never..
maybe you dont love me anymore...

Need by Hana Pestle

i'm not quite sure how to breathe without you here

i'm not quite sure if I'm ready to say goodbye

to all we were

be with me

stay with me

just for now

let the time decide when i won't need you

my hand searches for your hand in a dark room

i can't find you

help me

are you looking for me

can i feel any more

lie to me,

i'm fading

i can't drop you

tell me i don't need you

my hand searches for your hand in a dark room

i can't find you

help me

are you looking for me

etch this into my brain for me

tell me how its supposed to be

where everything will go

and how i'll be without you by my side

my hand searches for your hand in a dark room

i can't find you

help me

are you looking for me

will i ever stop.? or maybe im gonna stay this way..

will i gonna ever stop loving someone like you..
because im so sure.. there's no one like you out there...
or maybe im gonna stay this way and stay in love with your light..
my sunshine.. how could i ever wish that i'll never gonna love you...
when im sure that i love you the most.. and its getting deeper each day...
the heavy the rain falls.. the more i need the warm light of sunshine...
its the same.. the more hurt its gonna be.. the more love i feel for you..
and who has the answer for that..
GOD..

i dont know what this love has done to me...
cause i think im doing the right thing by loving you...
it feels so right.. its like, loving you is the only right thing to do...
how i know this... i just dont know..
its like.. once i love.. i just love... there's no u-turn....
and i swear that this is love that im feeling.... i just know it.. the way im feeling it..
maybe you dont feel it.. but i cant fight it.. you should know that...
i am so sure about this... that you're my first true love... my very own true love..
even you did break my heart alot of times... still i cant get enough of your love...
even when it kills me to stay this way not as someone special in your life.. but still i want to stay
this way.. so i can still touch you.. love you...
i accept it.. that i'll never be the one for you.. but cant deny that you're the one for me...

it hurts... but theres nothing i want other than loving you..
and maybe i wont stop.. i could never stop... i know..
this is so true... i never love this way in my entire life.. and i know that i will never after you..
i hope that.. you'll let me stay forever..
and i could never show you.. this feeling..
and you'll never understand.. but i will always be this way...
and the only way for me to stop all of this.. is death... so true (sort of =p)
but i have no way of getting you out of my head.. of not to love you..
these cant be undone... im far way deeper than you think.. and im sorry that i could never leave you till forever... im sorry that i love you too much...
and till this point.. i dont care if im getting hurt even more... just hurt me as much as you want..
i will always stay in love... because i cant stop...
and i hope you'll never gonna leave my side.. cause i'll find a way to follow you.. where ever you'll go... i"ll chase you.. i promise you that... i dont care anymore... and i'll never stop... i will wait.. till you understand this natural feeling that came out from me...

you are.. all i have ever dream of...
i swear.. that you're the one.. that i've been looking for.. and no one will ever love you..
the way i love you...
maybe someday.. you'll look my way.. and understand what love is...
i wish that you'll love me back... and im gonna wait for that to happen..
i know that i'll wait.. because i cant seem to picture my life with anyone else but you..
and i'll take whatever risk coming my way..
and i wish i'll stay even more stronger for my love...
and im hoping that i'll win your heart someday...
till my last breath.. i know that i'll never stop loving you.. maybe i should not say things like this...
cause only god knows... but i feel it.. so strong.. and thats why i dare to say it to you..
that this love of mine wont ever stop...
i'll do anything for you... and i never been this far for anyone...
i just dont care about myself anymore.. because my life is my love for you.. without this love..
i rather die...
whatever it takes.. for me the be close to you.. and i'll do it.. unconditionaly...
i will always be here for you...
and please dont walk away from me...
because you'll never get the chance to run from me...

and please remember the love that i have for you.. if im gone someday..
because i will love you no matter where i'll be...
the deepest love i have ever felt... and i know that whatever i do for this one love..
its worth... every single tears.. and heartbreak...
im not gonna be tired loving you sunshine.. =)

loving you will never be enough..

wishing that i'll stop!!

this is unfair... the whole day, i was finding a way to talk to you..
a chance to talk to you.. and guess what.. i dont have that kind of chance...
and i have to admit.. its unfair.. its breaking my heart.. and i dont know what to do...
i miss you a lot... and talking to you was the only way i get to cope with that feeling..
how i wish i dont know how to miss you... because.. i know.. its hard for me to have all the chances just to talk or whatever with you... ='''(

its not that im mad about you're going to your friends house.. i do understand.. yes and i really want to understand.. but.. i felt left out.. and i cant talk to you... if i do get the chance to chat with you.. it wouldnt be the same...
hearing your voice and all.. maybe im askin too much from you... im sorry..
because sometimes... i just forgot where i should stand...
and i wish i can stop being this way... i hate the fact that im too depending on you.. like i really.. and i mean really.. dont have any other place to go.. other than you... and im not just saying it...
im writing this down as my tears.. falling down like its almost rain...
because i cant take it all alone...
owwwhh.. you have no idea... how i suffered.. when you're not around.. and when i needed you so much.. and you wont be there...
thats the reason.. i dont want us to see each other when we're over...
because.. i'll never learn how to not depending on you...
because now.. as we can see..like i said before... you can always come to me.. you can always talk to me.. you can always have me.. anytime.. when you need me..
i'll always be there for you.. you'll be number one in my everything...
but.. in my case... i cant always have you.. i have to wait for you to want me first.. can always go to you.. when im missing you, and i have to wait for you to miss me first...

i dont know.. what you'll think about this.. but this is what i see thru my point of view...
i wont get the first place in your eveything.. im not asking... but atleast dont make me the last...
and you know.. why i always felt like.. you only give me your left over time...
because its kinda feel like that... i was always the last one...
but im happy with it.. i do.. at least i do have a chance to see you..
i know.. n i know.. i cant ask for more.. what ever it is.. i have to accept..
because i choose to be this way..
i should not complain...
cause im too scared.. you'll leave forever..
and i cant go on without you.... i dont even wanna think about it... im too scared..
but my head cant stop it...
what will happen if someday.. you dont need me anymore...

im seeing you still till this day.. because, i wanna spend time with you..
i wanna make you happy... just to be by your side...
just to satisfiy your need...
because i know... that would be the only way for me.. to love you...
and its killing me everytime.. getting out from your car...
and walking away telling that 'i love you' to myself.. and not to you...
i wanna say it to your face.. but i m scared you'll run away...
because now.. its ' i syg you' and no more 'i love you'.. and thats what i should take...
you're moving on... cant you see....
and im doing all this just to stay as close as i get to be with you...

im wondering.. why cant we be together?
whats wrong with me....
maybe you're ashamed by me...
and i guess.. now.. i know where i stand...
and its a heartbreaking.. and i do hate myself for that...
what is wrong with beeing with me...
as i see it... we're happy...
and now... its like you're playing a game.. and whatever it is...
i dont care.. because i cant stop loving you...
and its kinda weird actually...
because.. i sometimes think that we're still together.. but we are not...
and everything i wanna do to you.. things that i wanna say to you..
i could not do it.. and say it like i used to...
and it hurts... it does hurts...
if only you can feel.. what i feel....
and sometimes i dont wanna do this anymore..
i want this to stop...
i wanna die... =(
i hate seeing myself doing this to me..and to you...
but i cant even do anything to stop this... how i wish i could just stab myself..
bleed and die... i really wish i hve the guts to do that!!

and now..
i wish i could just accept the fact.. that a guy like you
wont be with a girl like me...
and i could never be love the way i wish you'll love me..
and it shows that.. i love you more...
or maybe.. it was only me.. thats in love...
and now.. i'll always know.. that i will always be the last for you to look for..
and its ok... now i wont hope...
i wish i could just walk away... i wish i could stop loving you..
and i wish i could start learn how to stop...
because you'll never get it..
yoy'll never feel the pain im in..
you'll never understand my love..

but still, i wanna thank you for everything..
every single thing...
im glad you happened...
and i will always remember you..
and remember love..
and now.. im asking for a permission from you..
to start learning.. to stop loving you..
but i'll always remember the love we've shared..
and im sorry..
i cant be the same...
i could never be like what you've seen in
your entire live... im unlike those...
maybe i never meant for you..
because.. you'll never want to end up with someone like me..
you will always be my sunshine =)

i love you

whats left for us?

where i wanna be..

='(

i love you

thats all i know..

this is when i knew..

that you will always be there..

it doesnt matter if i was wrong

about it now

the memory cant be undone

as far as we move

it will stays

and im gonna miss you even more..

all the moment we've shared

will never be forgotten

but i have to admit

this is what brought us

together..

The very begining...
before we couldnt even feel for
each other..

dear sunshine..

hello there smiley face,
i miss you.. i really do..
im not sure what to write today..
i have alot of thoughts about you...
all these while..
im trying my best not to write it down..
all these wonderful thoughts of you...
....and now i dont know what to write...
i only have these questions..
linger in my head...
have i lost something..?
have i lost my sunshine..
is he the same person i used to love..
does he still have the same feeling for me..
like before...

and yes.. we cant be together..
i dont want to argue...
i just miss "us"
sunshine..sunshine..sunshine..
where are you now..
sometimes.. even when you're near..
its like you're far from me...
and i dont know what's my point..
i wont ask for more..
i just want to go with the flow...
i cant demand...
what you give...
thats what i take...
and still.. you can have all of me...
without askin..
im always yours...
thats what i believe...

you used to be..
the sunshine.. after the rain...
and now..
will you keep me warm..?
will you always be by my side?
my hope.. my wish..
they wont help..
useless.. nothing can help me to get my sunshine back..
and... now, im not going to do anything..
im giving in..

i will always love you
sunshine=)

saying goodbye to sunshine

where are you..?
when im bleeding to death..?
where are those hands..
that was all over me before..
and now when i really
need them..
did you even offer me
your hand..
no!!!

you can always have me..
whenever.. wherever..
you want me to be..
and how about me..??
i cant even have you..
when i really need you..
its so unfair..

and its easy for you to move on..
and enjoying your teen age..
how about me...?
i have to think it over and over again..
if this is what you called love..
i guess you're wrong..
you never love..
you're never mine..

you're just waiting to see..
what god has planed for you..
you're waiting for god..
to lead you to me..
well god just did..
cant you see..??
the clue is everywhere
around us..
we never could resist
each other..
will never want to forget love..
and i need you..
but.. god put you into a test..
and you.. just walk away
cause you never really love..
you should see my sincerity..
not my past..
maybe you'll find your dream
girl someday..
but how sure are you..
that she'll love as much as i do..
i promise you..
you wont find anyone like me..
i made mistake..
i regret it..
i cry about it every night..
even before i met you..
sometimes people cant explain..
how things happened..

i dont know..
how can i love you..
you took it all away..
everything i could wish for..
you're not dare enough
to face my past..
to fight it for me..
im in this war alone..
i wish i never love you..
yaaa.. i wish!
i regret that i met someone so wonderful..
but he turn out to be someone..
coward!!
you could never love..
what ashamed..

like you told me...
you heart its not for me..
it doesnt belong to me..
and its so true..
i agree..
but did you ever
try to figure it out..?
why does you heart..
once with me..?
unfortunately
it was meant for me..
but now..
thats all is a mistake..
we're both are mistaken..
for loving each other..
this is wrong!!!!!!

im not the one you want..
yaa i could never be one..
you wont let me..
and yaa...
you could never be the one too..
cause you never was..
im all you never wish for...
but i never lied about life..
and what i've been through..
thought me more about life..
maybe you're too young to understand..

i can write you..
a thousand sweet words..
cause you mean so much to me..
you're special..
too special..
but now..
i wont..
cause i guess..
you're special..
through everyone's eyes..
there's nothing left for me..
for me to see..
maybe im just like everyone else..

and yaa..
you asked me before..
if i have something
that i save it for you..
maybe i dont..
but..
i have my future..
just for you..
the whole of it..
i can offer you things
that you couldnt imagine..
you cant get it from anyone else..
i know.. what i still have..
and im glad..
i didnt show it all to you..
i dont want to wasted it
anymore..
because.. i guess you just
never see it..
thats why i never been
appreciated..
you wont stay longer..
to see what i have for you..
but its okay..
maybe..
they dont belong to..
i can make you experience
things that out of your imagination..
but you wouldnt like it now..
and you'll never find out..

i regret sharing this
special feeling with you..
and it is because..
you never know me..
you never want me for me..
i regret that i love you..
till this point...
i wont hate you now..
i will never...
because.. i wont feel anything for you..
anymore..
you're gone!

i want to thank you..
for opened up my eyes..
to see what i have..
and too bad..
its for us to share..
this is not love..
this is life..
you come now..
and you'll be gone..
a pit stop...

now you'll have your life..
and i'll have mine..
i dont want to know you..
and you never knew me..
we never love..
we never was..
this is my last blog.. and im
saying goodbye
to "sunshine"

sunshine was for everyone..
its not for me to keep..
i should know where i stand and where
i belong.. and its not by your side..

be happy now..
im gone

the place i want to be..

today..
every touch..
every kiss and hug..
its like a gift...

i should have known..
i'll never resist you..
thats why i dont think we
should still be in touch..
and today..
we'd make mistake..
but it feels so right..
to be by your side..
and when you hold me..
i feel like i belong..

and it breaks my heart..
that i might not have the chance
to be where i am
at the moment..
that would be in your warm
arms..
i dont want to leave..
i wish you can hold me longer..
and in my mind..
this is the place that i
want to be...

maybe god.. didnt leads you
to me now...
but god leads me to you..
its like god send you to me..
to see the other side of life..
and you deliver it well...
but i wasnt not the one for you..

and it is unfair..
and why..
i cant carry on like this..
its not only you..
i, myself cant stand seeing you..
without talking to you..
and the more you want to hold me..
the more i want to be hold by you..
and i know..
i never need anyone..
like i need you..

i miss you holding me..

today.. and good night

im gonna sleep again..
i wish..
this is all only a dream..
i wish i'll wake up with a smile..
i really.. hope that.. this is only a dream...
dream...

i didnt fight this feeling i have..
i wasnt denying this love..
im trying my best to live
with what i deserve..
i shouldnt ask for more..
having the chance to love you..
its more than everything
that i could get..

well,
here we go..
i want to tell you..
what i went through today..
i woke up..
i got scold by mama..
=)
and i try my best to continue
sleeping..
but i cant..
i was sitting down..
thinking what did
i missed today..
that would be you..
but i tried not to think that much..
i dont want to cry..
i dont think you like me crying..
=)
so.. i wrote a blog..
and what i wrote at the previous
blog..
is actually helping me cope
with my sadness..
i really wish it was a dream..
and im gonna see you again..
in my dream..
i'll love you..

and yaa.. i went to a movie..
'i love you, beth cooper'
you're right..
it was a nice movie...
but i only can think of you while watching it..
i almost cry...

i've been singing the whole day =)
all the song that i wanted to sing you..
im happy i can still love you..
and thanks for letting me..
=)
my phone hasnt ring
at all...
guess what i did..
i switched it off..
because i know..
i dont really need it anymore..
new thing for me..
i could live without it before...
and now.. i just dont need it anymore..
i didnt even bring it
when im going out..
=) that's quite funny..
because im so used
to wait for your call...
now i know that..
you wont call...
but.. secretly im still waiting..
=)
thats why i off it..
this is a whole new world for me..
still trying to get used to it..

p/s: i love you even more..
and i miss you.. good night

love,
happy =)

another new day...

today..
its like i just woke up..
from a long dream..
and i think..
i was dreaming last night..
about love..
and the dream was wonderful..
i know that i wont be able to find
a love like that in real life..
i wish i could keep on dreaming
about that love again..
because it makes me happy..

in that dream..
i remember that
im loved..
and i love him too..
i wish i didnt wake up..
i wish i could sleep forever..
so i'll be dreaming forever..
cause i miss it so much..
the dream..

and tonight
when im going to bed..
i'll be dreaming about the same thing..
so when i wake up..
i will always remember..
this one and only dream that i have..
wont it be wonderful..
and i hope someday..
i wont be awaken.. from that dream..

cause this dream..
is too wonderful..
to be real..

**it was only a dream..
i love you.. and you love me..
i wont forget the feeling..
even though its only a dream..
whoever you are..
i wanted you to know..
that this love is real...

another story to tell

im a blue bird..
you're the sun...


a bird is in love with
the sun...
the bird says
"i love you sun..
the biggest star of the universe..
someday i'll bring you a gift..
a special one.. so you'll feel loved
by me"

the bird collected
a thousands different
flower for the sun...
but the bird dont know how
to reach the sun..
the bird wonders..
how far is the sun..
it should be that far..
because.. the bird
feels the light...
the bright lights
coming from the sun.
and thats the reason..
the blue bird is so
in love with the sun..
because it keeps the bird warm..

when it is at night..
the blue bird cry to itself..
"where are you my love..?
why do you have to go..
my whole world is in darkness..
im cold.. there's only moon...
it's not bright enough.. i need you sun.."

one day,
the blue bird goes to
the mother..
and ask the mother..
"how can i get to touch the sun mom?
i miss the sun.. i love him..
i want to be close to him.. could you please
show me the way?"
the mother answer the bird...
"my love.. you'll never reach the sun..
you're hoping to high..
to be in love with the sun..
thats possible.."
the blue bird wonder why
the mother told her that..
"mom, how could you say
something like that to me..
is it wrong for me to fall
in love the sun..?"

the mother explain..
"there's nothing wrong to fall
in love.. with your own kind..
but not the sun..
you'll hurt yourself..
cause.. the sun is to far..
you cant reach it..
you'll never will..
you'll burnt to ashes..
please understand.."
so the blue bird now
understand..
that they are never meant
for each other..
so the bird gives up...

not for long..
the blue bird cant stand
the love that she have for the sun..
its too strong..
she cant lie...
so as she collected all the flowers..
she pack them in a silk..
and the bird fly up to the sky..
with the flowers..
as the bird flies...
higher..
the bird cant breathe...
but she struggle to reach the sun..
and flies until she reach the..
the space.. she barely breathe
and she almost reach the sun..
its getting hotter..
keep flying..
and before the blue bird
get to touch the sun..
she's all burnt up..
the bird doesnt get the chance
to tell "i love you"
to the sun...

(if the blue bird didnt fly to the sun..
she would be alive until now..
but she'll never get to show..
her love to the sun...
she'll be watching the sun from a distance)

-the end-
i'll be missing you, syg...