weak and helpless

im lying helpless..
missing you every moment..
wondering what you are doing..
have you eaten?
how are you..?
im weak every each day...
i need to see you..
but i know..
that wont be a good idea..
that wont happen...
i know that you hate me...
and i dont know why...
that i feel like i need you even more now..
i thought i can do this alone...
it shows that im wrong...
but, i have no choice now..
i have to go on..

i hope you will understand

never was i trapped you...

never was i meant to go this way...

to be honest.. i do crazy about you

and never was i have grudge on you no matter..

how hurt i got...i accepted.. every single thing that came along

our relationship...

even though its hard to deal with...

and im talking about how i felt when i cant actually accept the fact

that we could never love again...

and i want you to understand that im not trying to ruin your life...

to ruin your future...

i wanted you to be somebody someday...

i wanted you to be happy...

but will you ever see me suffer.. trying to erase every

memory i have shared with you...

and for some reason i wish you'll see me...but that wont be a good idea

so with a broken heart... i tried to live my life without you..

and it hurts every second.. and im not kidding you...

and can fall and break down crying..

anywhere and any time...

would you love to see it...?

but i guess you wont even think about it...

im trying if you can see...

i went out from this place..

just trying to let you live your life the way you wanted..

see.. i wasnt trying to trap you or ruin you...

i was not at all...

i know now that you're way better without me...

and knowing that kills me...

but i cant do anything...

i just want you to understand..

i never want to do the worst thing to you...

how can i ruin someone's life when im so damn in love..

i can only wish for your happiness..

along with my tears....

why wont you understand me...

and accused me that way...

i am crazy.. and obsessed!!

i admit... but im not that cruel...

im sorry if i love you too much...

if you hate it.. please be my guess..

go and ask GOD to take it back....

i begged GOD so i can UNLOVE you...

but GOD wont let me... and i have no reason to

say that GOD is unfair....

so im trying my best to accept it...

if this is GOD's will.....

i'll stay broken...

Until the day.. love grows in me...

without knowing what i should do..

im so clueless.. i thought i can decide for the best..

but how can i ever be sure if im doing the best thing for everyone

if i throw this lil' love away.. out of me...

im like almost every woman...

i have this weird feeling...

maybe its not alive yet..

but something tells me.. that this is not a mistake..

its not a disaster..

this is what GOD gave me...

a GIFT....

and i can feel something that i cant explain...

you can say anything you want...

but this strong feeling.. keeping me stronger..

each day... telling me to keep it...

and dont tell me that i didnt think for everyone else...

i did...

im not doing this for myself...

but i cant explain to you now....

and maybe i am wrong.. you're right...

but i got to do wrong thing to be right...

i just hope someday you'll understand..

this is not the end of everything...

i can only ask you for forgiveness...

you can hate me for this...

i dont mind...

i know im wrong in evryone's eyes..

your friends and family...

for your information...

my family is dealing thru a hard time too...

but i have to let this happen..

its a lesson for me....

and this lil' love is a GIFT.. especially..

it happened because of my love for you...

and please let me keep what's left for me...

and again i hope you'll somehow feel it...

i dont ask you to stay.. i never forced you...

maybe i left you with no choice...

i dont have mine too....

maybe i can choose...

but i choose to give live...

bringing live to the world...

i know this happened for a reason...

GOD plans this for me...

i dont know whats going to happened...

i have risk everything for my lil' love...

a chance to see you smile for me,

i disappoint my family and yours...

and i might have ruined your life...

but im sure that.. you'll still have your future...

you can always tell me that i do things without thinking...

and its all about me...

but i looked at every aspect...

and no matter how hard it is going to be...

and what im dealing with...

i stood my grown...

i want this lil' love to grow...

and i want my baby to feel the world..

to experience life...

i cant do anything to harm my lil' love....

im sorry... but i just need you to know..

that i wasnt trying to trap you..

not at all....

im truly sorry..

to your family and you...

maybe this unwanted seed in me..

wont make you happy...

im sorry for that..

im maybe stupid or crazy...

but deep inside...

im doing the right thing....

i hope you'll realize as soon as possible...

before its too late...

im sorry....

i know everyone is in pain...

but do you people know..

how long i've been in tremendous pain...

and for once...

i feel like im doing the greatest thing

to give birth...

to bring life into this world....

you wont ever feel what im feeling...

maybe im doing this for myself...

but im not....

if you dont want me...

its alright...

but please...

believe me...

i never wanted to trap you...

if i cant have your love..

let me have this baby....

why would i want to ruin your live..

when my life is considered ruined by myself...

but i wont look it that way...

this baby... is never a mistake to me...

its never a problem to me...

it is live....

why would i want it to be gone...??

why would i regret it...

to be honest...

i want a brighter future for myself...

i wanna get married to someone who's in love with me...

i want someone to propose me...

i wanna get married at the baech...

i wanna wear a wedding gown...

but i cant... i risk everything for my baby...

i love this baby....

i know.. this is way precious than what i've ever dream of...

i just knew it...

i dont know how...

but i just do....

am i wrong..?

maybe i am...

but i realise..

its ok to be wrong...

you can hate me...

i know i cant give you back

the life you wanted...

but i'll always pray that you'll

have a better one... someday..

i wont burden you....

im just askin you to name this baby...

and we're gonna go on our own way....

see i dont ask you more than that..

how could you you say that i trapped you?

i love you..

like i said before

i will always love you..

thru good and bad...

even after what you've said to me...

all the humiliation...

i still love you...

no matter how cruel you are to me...

i love you...

i dont want you to come back to me..

when the love for me is gone...

i just wish you'll forgive me...

and understand this...

thats all....

and thanks...

i have lost my sunshine..

dont let me lost my lil'love

i dont want to be alone..

p/s:to sunshine, no matter where you are..

make sure you'll shine brighter everyday..

and bring happiness to whoever...

and i'll pray for your safety... you know you

have the gift to make people smile..

and bringing joy to life....

and im still wishing that i can see you once again...

please hear me... my only love =)

to sunshine.. and wherever you might be...

i've been taking along break from writing...
to be honest.. i have alot to write all these while..
but im not sure if i still remember those words that came out from
my mind...
first thing i want want you to know how much i miss you...
i really miss you sunshine... but you're not here with me anymore...
maybe i can still see the person who used to be you..
and he's still around.. but i cant feel my sunshine anymore.. =(
i feel like dying... i miss you...
i wanna see you.. i wanna talk to you..
i wanna hold you.. i wanna touch you...
i need you here my sunshine...
he's not you anymore..
its like he got possesed by some kind of demon or creature..
i dont know him anymore...

i know you my sunshine...
and im sure that you're not around anymore.. and for some reason...
i wish i could see you again...
i wanna touch you again...
he doesnt taste the same..
like you do...
he's not you....
and no matter where you are right now..
i just want you to know that i love you...
and that one thing.. will never change....
i miss you.. i really do...
he doesnt talk the way you do..
his touch doesnt feel as warm as yours...
i can feel that you're gone....
i dont want him.. i want you...
he maybe has your look.. but he doesnt have a heart of sunshine...
i wish you'll be back...
because there's nothing special about him...
you are special.. because you are my sunshine..
the one who used to bring the light to my life...

i wanna share alot of thing with you..
i couldnt share with anyone else...
not even him....
he has your face and body..
but he could never have your heart and soul...
i know... what i am feeling,....
im not wrong....
and this dedication.. will still be going on...
because i believe that you'll hear me someday.. and
you're gonna return my call...
i really miss spending time with you...
sharing thoughts...
you're the light...
and im in the dark now...
i need you...
in my prayer.. i wish you'll be back my sunshine..
no matter in any kind of form....
i just need to feel you...
sunshine.. you're gone....
but i still love you...
please come back.. even in my dream...
because i miss you so much....

and yeahh..
i have love in me..
its growing while you're away...
something tells me to keep it...
because i believe this is what we share...
since you left... this is the one thing that left for me...
and i will always remember that this is love...
i need you.. your soul..
sunshine will always be my love...

p/s: i will never love anyone else but you...
and im still waiting for you to come back...
i miss sunshine.. and not faiz..

you're gone

i feel it so deep in me...
and i cant feel you..
you're gone now...
i dont know how...
and when...?
but one thing for sure
you're not the one i used to know...
why do you have to change..
and throw it all away...
have you ever feel this?
the feeling of losing someone...

im in the dark
as my sunshine went away..
and im telling that this is the worst feeling i
have ever felt..
how can you act like there's nothing..
when what we ever shared is everything to me...
and i cant change it anymore...
im sick!!!!
i hate you....
you threw it all away..
you searching for the best...?
im telling you...
that i'll be the only person in this world who can love you the best..
beside your mum....
im so mad at you...
why.. do we have to love in the first place if..
we know.. we wont appreciate it in the end..
this is love we're dealing with...
its important.. darn important..
you dont take it as a game...
this heart that speaks...
it is crying now....
and now...
you cant see...
and i dont want you to realize it when it is too late...

i hate wasting my life with someone else..
and i want it to be you!!!!

what i see in you now:
you have no heart..
you dont care how i might feel..
you dont love me anymore..
you're not the person i used to know..
you've change...

i never stop writing about how i feel...
but will you ever understand.. and i wish i can force you just to be with me..
i feel as if im dying when you're not around...
how can i make you understand...
i cant live without you.. and i really need you to love me...
love me like you used to...
there's nothing i want more than you..
and im ready to give up on everything for you...
i love you...
and this pain wont ever stop.. till im in your arms again...

its like i have this sickness of my own.. if your not around..
so damn weak.. i dont want to move..
only death will stop me...
i cant write things that i dont mean..
but here my sincerity of love..
never been given to one but you...
it must be easy for you.. just to live your life..
i know.. i used to live my life that way...
because i know.. life goes on..
and there will always something new coming your way...
but i know for me.. your the best thing that ever happened..
and if i let you go... and give up loving.. i wont find another..
i dont want to missed the a moment with you...
i cant carry on without you....

please dont change.. because i cant change anymore...
please realize that this wont happen for the second time...
dont wasted... i wanna live with you...
you'ere different now...
and i feel that you're gone....
i want my sunshine back....
please bring my sunshine back...
i want you like before...
please love.....
there's nothing i could say.. or do.. to have you back...
as my sunshine...
but i'll die trying!!!
because one thing for sure...
this is love im feeling....
please remember the love we used to share...

they can call me crazy..
yes i am... im crazy loving you...
and im dying without you....
i am.. i cant do anything right...
i want you...
i guess you wont feel a thing
when you read this blog...
because.. the feeling has fade...
is it?
and it kills me knowing that you dont love that much..
that you're moving on..
and you can always live without me...
i cant judge whats fair.. and unfair anymore...
but i need you.. to need me....
i wanna be the important person in your life...
i wanna be there for you..
i dont wanna be replaced..
i dont.. i dont want you to love someone new...
i want you to love me...
why do you have to change?
i hate the feeling of losing your love...
i wish i die.. instantly....
when you dont love me anymore...
all i care about.. is you...
your love is everything i ever wanted...
trust my feeling...

i wish you'll love me....
and realize that love conquers all..
dont leave me...
dont go away...

LONGING FOR YOUR LOVE

i love you too much, and i cant explain..
and i made this blog as a dedication to you..
to show you that i love you... to prove to you that
my life filled with the thoughts of you..
and my love is as bright as the sun...
and today i dont know where to start...
i miss us.. i miss you...
i feel like youre away from me now..
its like youre almost gone...
i dont know why am i feeling this way...
could it be because of the fights..??
baby, im seeing it now...
it clearer.. that we're no longer together..
i hate to realize it..
and now im feeling it...
my love longing for you.. no one else but you..
im too scared that you'll walk away someday...
i hate to see you leave... but you have already left..
i just forgot about that...
i want you to stay... forever..
i know you could never promise me that...
and when i told you that im scared that you'll leave..
i wanna hear you say.."i wont ever leave you"
but i know its too much for you to say it..
and i understand...
im living in this pain.. and im used to it..
i dont care how many time youre gonna hurt me...
as long as i can stay...
i know i've been complaining about the pain you put me through..
but honestly, i rather stay that way.. then to be away from you..
i wanna feel your love.. i wanna see it.. i wanna have..
and i never want to give it up...
i will give everything for your love...
if i can trade my life for your love..
i would..i swear i would.. cause there's nothing more i want other than your love..

and when i told you to stop contacting me till i come and look for you..
it was not the best thing to do..
because to be close to you is the most important thing to me..
but i just need to thing..
pull myself back together.. i wanna take control of myself..
its not because i wanna forget love.. or you..
because i know i couldnt.. and if i could.. i dont want to...
i just want us to appreciate every moment that we have...
because i dont know how long youre willing to stay...
i dont know what to feel now.. its almost empty..
i miss the love you gave me.. i want it back so badly...
i wanna be the special one for you...
i want you to love me like you mean it..
i want you to want me...
because i love you

i havent write for the past few weeks..
its i forgot.. or i dont have things to write about you..
i do.. have alot to write about you.. and how i feel for you..
it will never stop..
but i didnt write.. because youre there with me...
and you bring me happiness although we always fight...

i almost lost my mind nowadays..
and that why i need you even more now...
i cant turn to someone else.. it wont be the same...
honestly..
theres only one person that can make me feel better..
and its you.. that is how important you are to me....
people can tell me what to do.. but my heart wont listen..
they dont know you the way i do...
someone told me.. that you'll leave ne in the end..
if i didnt leave you now.. i might get even hurt in the future..
maybe...
but how if i just wait...
i dont care anymore, if i will get hurt by you someday..
because.. i cant fight this feeling and if i do try to fight it..
it is even hurt.. and i will failed...

my wish is for you to love me..
sincerely, without any condition...
protect me.. i cant take care of myself...
i need you.. and please need me..
i will always be there for you...
i wont ask for anyone else other than you...
not even in my dream...
"love conquers everything"
why cant i win your love..?
why i could never be the want you want to spend your life with?
and i wanna be the one who you wake up yo every morning..
i wanna be the one who witness your life.. your happiness..
i wanna witness every moment of yours...
i cant let someone else to replace me..
i cant witness you having a new life with someone else...
because i know im the one who saw you shine..
how could you let someone else take that away from me..

i really miss you...
the one i love...

Thank You For Everything (My Birthday)

Sunshine.. =)

im not sure what to say, other than thank you...

you are a dream come true...

and im glad that i spend my birthday with you..

thanks for the cake..

you'd the 1st guy who bought me a cake...

i love it..=)

and im sorry for what i said earlier about the cake..

honestly.. i dont mean it...

i was surprised...

and too happy.. until i forgot the words "thank you"

im sorry... i do appreciate it...

i will always remember my 21st birthday..

and thanks for everything..

every single thing you do for me..

the happiness..

and im happy...

thanks for the memories...

you will always be my only sunshine..

im feeling a lot better now...

thank you so much...

(this morning.. i watched you drove away, its like watching you walk away..

im trying my best to set you free... and syg you know now that im trying..

because i care about you.. im learning how to let you go.. and i wont be there to stand your

way... i wnat you to be happy... and im gonna be happy too.... you will always in my mind..

you could never be replaced.. my only sunshine....)

TAYLOR SWIFT-BREATHE

I see your face in my mind as I drive away'

Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way

People are people and sometimes we change our minds

But it's killing me to see you go after all this time

Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm

Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm

Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie

It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see'

Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down

Now I don't know what to be without you around

And we know it's never simple, never easy

Never a clean break, no one here to save me

You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

And I can't breatheWithout you, but I have to

BreatheWithout you, but I have to

Never wanted this, never want to see you hurt

Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve

People are people and sometimes it doesn't work out

Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out

And we know it's never simple, never easy

Never a clean break, no one here to save me

You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

And I can't breatheWithout you, but I have to

BreatheWithout you, but I have to

It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend

Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me

It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend

Hope you know this ain't easy, easy for me

And we know it's never simple, never easy

Never a clean break, no one here to save me, oh

I can't breatheWithout you, but I have to

BreatheWithout you, but I have to

BreatheWithout you, but I have to

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorryI'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry